The Gentle Lioness

Queen of Bravery (Part 1)

The standard disclaimer still applies. This chapter is dedicated to all those with departed family members whom they still miss.

____________~*~____________

When the news came, she fainted into a chair, her mind going numb. She didn't want to believe it - who would? But you cannot hide in the shadows of denial forever, and you must come out and see the light even if it blinds you since the truth it brings hurts so much. Even if it tears down your walls of protection and makes you vulnerable.

That was just the harsh reality that she had to face. Her siblings, her parents - no, her family, are dead. All of them are dead, dead in a stupid train crash. Gone forever, never to return.

She had tried to distance herself, tried so hard, cutting herself off from her family, but it still burned. She found herself grounded to the harsh reality she lived in, the reality she had tried to leave behind, no longer adrift enjoying the pleasures the world had to offer.

The news brought her back, not Susan the lovely lady, fancied by all, not at all. It had not brought back the Gentle either, not yet. For Susan herself had returned, Susan the sister, the daughter, Susan Pevensie, the last of her once-mighty family.

She was left to bury those she had loved, nary a helping hand. Boys stayed away, sensing her aura, she who was desired by all yet drowned in sorrow.

She may have once been gentle, and she perhaps still was, but it would be more apt to call her fierce, as what was the point of being gentle if her whole purpose was taken away, her family whom she grieved for each day and night.

She was just twenty one - twenty one and all alone, when she found the diary in the attic of her parents' house. The diary, written in handwriting so familiar that made her heart ache once again, belonging to Lucy Pevensie, her younger sister.

Had she been the Susan from before, before the crash, she might have dismissed them as the ramblings of a child. The Susan from now, though, would grasp even a memory of a fight between her and her siblings to keep close to her heart, as at least they were still there, with her. She sat down on the rocking chair set on the porch and began to read, reading about a wardrobe, a lion, and a witch. She remembered seeing Lucy with it, hunching over a journal, scribbling furiously. Could almost remember Lucy telling Edmund that it was not a diary while writing down play adventures in that fairytale world of hers, that Narnia, even though she could only vaguely recall the make-believe game they had played. She continued to read and read about this fantasy of her little sister, now gone from this world, about kings and queens and lions and magic and quests.

Then she neared the end several hours later, and encountered a famous saying, written in her little sister's neat handwriting. She felt a sense of kinship with it, glaringly familiar, so she read it over several times.

Once a King or Queen of Narnia, always a King or Queen of Narnia.

It was hanging so close to her yet so far from her, nearly in her reach.

Once a King or Queen of Narnia, always a King or Queen of Narnia.

Her heart began to race excitedly, and her head began to violently throb.

Once a King or Queen of Narnia, always a King or Queen of Narnia.

The pounding increased rapidly, and she felt as though something was straining to escape.

Once a King or Queen of Narnia, always a King or Queen of Narnia.

Susan screamed, her vision going black and her hands going to her head, dropping the diary onto the floor in the process.

Once a King or Queen of Narnia, always a King or Queen of Narnia.

Something was trying to break free from her mind, pushing away all other thoughts and memories. With one last shriek, she fainted, falling sideways onto the sofa set on the porch.

____________~*~____________

Susan awoke in an abyss of darkness, peacefully floating. She remembered the diaries, the pain, and then - nothing. Was this the afterlife, she wondered? Was it time for her to leave the mortal plane and reunite with her family? She felt a faint stab of fear at the thought but also an overwhelming sense of relief. But would she even be reunited with her family, or was she doomed to stay in this void for eternity? Susan never considered herself to be a very religious person, but she had believed that there was something after death. 

Or maybe she was being punished? She could not be certain. It was ever so hard to concentrate in the void.

Unbidden, memories began to flow into her mind. She saw a snowy woods with a lamppost gleaming softly, a cherubic round man giving her a finely carved bow and a glorious horn, an imposing white castle, a statue, half man and half goat, with a terrified expression on its face, a stone table with words on its edge, and so much more...

Faster and faster the images and memories and feelings came, until it felt like something was unlocked inside of her and Susan remembered. 

How could she have forgotten her experiences, the grand purpose of her life, her time as a Queen and everyone she had encountered? How could she have forgotten those who had shaped her, whom she had held close to her heart, whether it be Caspian, Tumnus, Reepicheep, Mr. and Mrs. Beaver, and so many others? How could she have forgotten about her times in Narnia and Asl - 

A great lion's roar broke through what had previously been silence, and Susan suddenly found that she knew what to do. She awoke with a start, sitting up straight on the couch with newfound determination.

She knew what her purpose was, what must be done to serve Aslan, he who had already forgiven her. And that day she vowed to herself, that she would endure all the struggles that life would throw at her to fulfill his request. It would be a long and difficult path, but Queen Susan the Gentle was ready to do what was right, as she knew that her family was at peace even though she would still miss them. For once a King or Queen of Narnia, always a King or Queen of Narnia.

____________~*~____________

Hey, I'm back! Midterms are still ongoing, so I haven't been able to write much. That being said, I am dividing this story into multiple parts. Just to clarify, this book is most likely going to be a series of one-shot stories divided into different parts where Minerva is Susan and vice versa. This is the first part of one such one-shot story. I hope that you enjoy this chapter, and, as always, please vote and review!

~ Sati N.