Estyr

Chapter Eight.

Jack did his best to clear his mind and focus. His efforts, however, achieved very little as he found himself thinking over the past two days and the present situation he found himself in. He couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty, irrational as it was. Since they had their talk two days before, Lyra descended into a worse state than she had been in before.

She showed none of it outwardly and kept moving forwards just as before. But Jack could see it in her eyes, the pain and loss and despair that hounded her. Ever since she learned that not only was he powerless but that there was very little chance he would regain his powers, she had needed twice the willpower just to keep from crumble. Their fate might as well have been sealed.

He had no reason to feel guilty given that he didn’t get a say in how much magical power and ability he had. Much less so after being poisoned for his whole life. Still, it bothered him a lot that he was the reason for the weight on her shoulders. As a way of giving her a way of not completely despairing, Jack had asked her to train him anyway. “Who knows if all my abilities need is a jumpstart and they’ll come roaring to life,” he’d said to her. By the look in her eyes, Jack could quite clearly see that she didn’t believe it would work. Nevertheless, she had relented and given him one basic training.

“Magic is first and foremost, primarily manifested in the mind. If your mind is chaotic, then whatever magic follows will be chaotic. Chaotic magic is a danger to the caster and everyone around them,” she had said. “Before you can learn magic, you need to first still your mind,” she continued. “Not only is it imperative to being competent at magic, but a still mind can get you through very dicey situations, with minimal harm and cost to yourself. It allows you to keep a calm head when others are panicking. It allows you to calmly evaluate all the options you have even if you only have seconds to do so,” she had instructed. “Even without magic, it is a very practical skill to have,” she’d informed him.

Jack strongly suspected that this last line was the only reason she was teaching it to him. “Every morning before we set off for the day, you will sit and meditate for half an hour,” she’d instructed. “Clear your mind of all other encumbering thoughts and simply focus on the present moment. Where are you? What do you plan to do next? What options do you have before you? What will be the consequences of each option?” she’d continued much to Jack’s surprise.

“Aren’t I supposed to clear my mind and think about nothing?” He’d found himself asking, given that that was the stereotype he’d gotten from the few movies he’d watched that broached the subject of meditation.

Lyra had looked at him like he was an idiot. “What good will that do you?” she’d asked.

Jack had idly scratched the back of his head feeling like he was retarded. “Um,” he’d intoned. “I don’t know, help me keep calm?” he’d answered. By the look in her eyes, he’d confirmed that he was indeed an idiot.

“Calm is good in a crisis,” she had said in a tone that clearly relayed that she was being charitable to him. “But calm with an empty head, is a recipe for death or worse,” she’d informed him. “The point of this exercise is to teach your mind to be calm when evaluating a situation and coming up with a plan of action. Keeping calm alone isn’t of much use to us I’m afraid,” she'd shot down his idea.

“I get how that will help me in a crisis and how it will be useful in helping me use my magic,” Jack had said. “But how will it help me access the magic I’ve lost?” he’d asked then immediately felt like kicking himself given the look that crossed Lyra’s eyes.

It only lasted for a second before she once again pushed it back down, but Jack picked up on it. The pain and despair she felt. It was a question she’d already answered a day before when they’d had their conversation back at the waterfall. Lyra didn’t think that the effects of wizard’s bane could be undone. Not only did she not have any way of helping him, but she didn’t believe anyone could. Asking the question had defeated the purpose for which he’d asked to be trained. He’d wanted her to have some hope and not completely despair, but then he’d gone on to remind her of the very thing he was hoping to have her not dwell on.