RODRICK'S RULES

Dissecting a Heffley

Roxanna:

The first day of school, a day to remember, oh how naive I was...

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6:45am. I awoke to the sound of pots and pans clinking in the kitchen...and by clinking I mean banging and clanging. My mom was no doubt preparing for her annual first-day-of-school pancake breakfast tradition.

The loud noises subsiding, I decided to make my way out of my room and into the bathroom. Today, I would take my time to get ready, doing my hair and putting on some light makeup. My outfit consisted of some mom jeans, platform green converse, and a thrifted sweater layered over a button up. Man, working minimum wage all summer to buy these Urban Outfitter jeans really paid off!

I skipped out of the bathroom and down the stairs to my mom frantically adding toppings to a humongous stack of pancakes on the kitchen table. Other assorted sides that were layed out on the counter included scrambled eggs with cheese, turkey bacon bleh, cantaloupe, and coffee coffee coffee. I dug into the food, stuffing my face full of whatever reached my mouth first.

Kissing my mom goodbye, I headed to the bus stop--yes, you heard me correctly. I know, I know, I'm in the eleventh grade, and I still can't drive. Well, a) I only barely passed my driver's test the second time and b) Money doesn't grow on trees!! AKA, I still haven't saved up enough for a beater yet.

Normally, most of the upperclassman sit in the back of the bus, but I'm not typically one to socialize in the morning, or the afternoon for that matter, so I stick to the middle-of-the-bus range. I popped in my Airpods (yes, which I stole from the school "Lost & Found"...hey no one had "found" then for 3 months!!) and cranked up the Wallows. This morning sure didn't feel like a Colbie Caillat song, but my random mix of indie music always seemed to do the trick.

After a bumpy 15 minute bus ride to school, our bus began to turn into the parking, when suddenly a large van with screeching music made an abrupt turn into the parking lot, nearly causing a wreck. The bus driver slammed on the breaks, causing me to jerk forward and slam my head into the seat in front of me. Damn it, Colbie Caillat!

Walking through the cafeteria, I checked my schedule. 1st Period, Honors Chemistry with Mr. Berkshire. Crap, why'd I have to get Jerk-shire?! This guy had a temper hotter than Shawn Mendes's Calvin Klein Ads! I put on my game face knowing I had to be on my best behavior if I wanted to survive his class.

Upon entering the classroom, a projected picture of the seating chart was posted on the white board. I was in the third row with Kathy Nguyen. Thank god!! Kathy was in every AP known to man and was still a genuinely decent person, so this year would be cake.

I sat down, taking a spiral notebook and some pens out of my backpack. Looking up, I hoped to see Kathy walking through the door, but by the time the bell rang, she was still nowhere in sight.

"Alright class, alright class. Welcome to freshman year Bio!" Jerkshire spoke, looking amusedly around the room.

The class was crickets.

"HAHA! I gotcha there. This is Honors Chemistry!" Jerkshire continued to laugh at his own joke, moving towards his desk at the front of the room.

"Anyways, so let's jump right in. For your first assignment you won't be dissecting a frog, but instead you'll be working with your assigned lab partners to conduct a simple experiment."

With Kathy Nguyen nowhere to be found, this was going to be a lot harder by myself. Raising my hand, I began to speak.

"Umm, Mr. Jer-Berkshire, my uh lab partner isn't here."