Kiss Me (Like You Wanna Be Loved)

Chapter Four: Comfort Food

July means end-of-term exams, and end-of-term exams mean Keiji replaces sleep with coffee and revising. Even Bokuto is making an effort to study more, and Keiji occasionally finds him in the living room, papers spread out all over the table with the TV playing quietly in the background. (A habit that would never work for Keiji, but Bokuto swears it helps him focus.)

A week before exams, Keiji spends an entire Saturday listening to recorded lectures and going over his color-coded notes. When it starts getting dark out, he figures it's probably time to break for dinner. He exits his bedroom and finds Bokuto sitting at the table with an open textbook, which isn't exactly a surprising sight of late.

But it's different today.

The first thing Keiji notices is the silence. Bokuto is always making noise; if he's not talking then he's tapping his foot or cracking his knuckles or fidgeting in place and making his clothes rustle. So it's not just the quiet that's strange-it's also the stillness. Bokuto sits there, unmoving, with dull eyes and a dejected expression. He's not even looking at the book in front of him, he's just sort of staring off into space.

Something is wrong.

"Bokuto-san?" Keiji tentatively calls out. He gets no response. He has to say his name two more times before Bokuto looks up.

"Oh. Akaashi. I didn't hear you come in."

Keiji's not sure how long he's been sitting out here. Bokuto is usually just getting home with take-out at this time. Keiji eyes him for a few seconds then asks, "Have you eaten today?"

"Ah, not really. I should probably order something..." he mumbles, though he makes no move to do so.

"Hmm," Keiji says. Then he turns and walks into the kitchen. He goes to the fridge and starts pulling out ingredients to make yakisoba, one of his easy go-to dinners. After a brief moment of consideration, he grabs an extra pack of noodles, then proceeds to double the rest of the recipe, chopping enough vegetables and preparing enough chicken to make two hearty portions.

Twenty minutes later he settles down at the table with two steaming plates, sliding one of them in front of Bokuto.

"Here."

Bokuto looks from one plate to the other then up at Keiji. His expression is one of perfect confusion. "For... me?"

"No, I made this for my other roommate," Keiji deadpans.

"Who-" he starts, blinking his wide eyes and tipping his head to one side in an excellent impression of an owl. "Wait-it is for me!" He barks out a startled laugh. "Akaashi! You gotta change up your expression or something so I know when you're joking!"

"You figured it out eventually," Keiji says, trying to hide his amusement.

Bokuto looks down at the food again and his voice is softer when he asks, "This is really for me?"

"It's not a big deal," Keiji shrugs. "I was cooking anyways, and you need to eat. You can't survive on sports drinks and protein bars."

"Wow! It looks amazing! Thank you for the meal!" he says, clapping his hands together. Then he grabs his chopsticks and dives in, chewing happily with a cry of, "It's delicious! Aghashee! You're like a genius chef!"

"It's a very simple dish," Keiji says dismissively.

"Still! It's really good!" Bokuto praises. "Remind me to cook for you sometime. I'm really good, too! Well, I can only make like four dishes, but I make them really good!"

In between bites he goes on to explain in detail the four dishes he can make and Keiji hums politely in acknowledgement when appropriate. He tries not to focus too much on the pleasure he feels at the compliments, or the relief he feels to see Boktuo smiling again.

But the food can only do so much to mend Bokuto's mood, because halfway through the meal he starts getting quiet again.

Finally, Keiji has to ask. "Is everything okay?"

"Huh? Yeah. I mean, kind of." He uses his chopsticks to absently move food around on his plate. Keiji waits patiently for him to go on, and eventually he sighs and says, "I did really bad in the practice game this morning. Sometimes I get too worked up and I just..." He shakes his head miserably. "I couldn't hold it together. Got myself benched halfway through."

"I see."

Now, Keiji is not good at emotions, and he's really not good at consoling sad people. He's never been one for sweet empty words, so he takes a chance and offers Bokuto blunt logic instead.

"So you'll be quitting the team, then?"

Bokuto lets out a horrified gasp. "What?! No! Of course not! Why would you say that?"

"Well, it seems to me there are two options," Keiji starts, chewing thoughtfully. "You either quit the team, or you try to do better in the next game."

"I-well-I guess so," Bokuto says, eyebrows creased in concentration like he's trying to come up with a counter argument. "But-ugh! My teammates must be so sick of dealing with me."

"Perhaps," Keiji says with a shrug. "But you're here on a sports scholarship, correct?" When Bokuto nods he goes on. "Then I assume when you're in top form you are quite good?"

"Well, yeah! I'm the Ace! I'm awesome!" he says, puffing up a little before immediately deflating. "Usually. But-what if I lose it again?"

"Does that happen a lot?"

"Not a lot but... sometimes, yeah."

"Then it's likely it will happen again," Keiji says. "Which means you'll simply have to work through it again."

Bokuto is quiet for a moment, and his voice is small when he finally questions, "But what if I cant?"

"Has that ever happened?"

He frowns. "Well... no. I always get back on my feet eventually."

Keiji hums. "I thought so. You don't seem the type to be easily defeated."

Bokuto slams a hand down on the table. "I'm not!"

Keiji holds his gaze. "Then you'll do better next time," he says firmly. A statement, not a question.

"Yeah," Bokuto says, nodding as a slow smile stretches across his face. "Yeah, I will!"

They eat in silence for another moment, then Bokuto nudges Keiji's foot under the table. "Hey," he says. Keiji looks up. "Thanks, Akaashi."

"It's nothing," he replies with a shrug, dropping his eyes to his food.

"No," Bokuto says immediately. "It's not nothing. You're... really amazing, you know? So, thanks."

Keiji feels a strange surge of emotion at Bokuto's words. It makes him incredibly happy to be so openly praised. He manages to keep his expression neutral and respond with a cool, "Ah, sure."

Bokuto's lips press together in a pout, but his eyes are still bright so Keiji can tell he's just being dramatic. "You could sound a little more fired up, you know..."

And Keiji finally allows himself a small smile as he says, "I think you do enough of that for the both of us."