𝕸𝖔𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖞 𝕭𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖘

chapter v

in her deep sleep, blue tossed and turned in distress. her brows were furrowed as her subconscious took over.

-

"huh?"

"why am i back here?"

"this is all too familiar."

"the pool, the jacuzzi."

"this is-this is sarah grace's house."

"and what is this?"

"everyone's here? nia, devon, siena, the whole bunch."

"nat's here too, but she's different."

"she looks young, and-and she looks scared?"

"what's going on?"

blue was in front of a backyard door that belonged to a three-story house that seemed to be throwing a vivacious birthday party for a 15-year-old. it was wildly decorated with colorful balloons, frilly streamers, and was filled with teenage guests, most of which were girls. all of the guests were dressed in lacy two pieces, scattered in and out of the house.
out of the chaos, a group of girls stood by the jacuzzi, chattering and giggling. a voice out of the few called blue over to them, and she went.

"hey bluesy, nice muffin top." the girl belittled her and was amused, pointing at her swimsuit.

looking down, blue noticed the purple tye-dye one piece she wore to purposefully cover her stomach, one she thought suit her well, but she clutched her arms around herself in embarrassment. the girl's comment, however, had gotten many laughs out of the others that were with her.

"i don't think i want you to be in the pictures this year, i need it to be perfect. hope you don't mind taking it for us," she added on shamelessly. blue's heart sank far, far down into her stomach and pounded, throbbing through her eardrums. her face began to flush red and her eyes burned with tears welling up around her lash lines. fearfully peeking back up at them in terror, she met the eyes of a young nat standing behind them, looking sorry and clearly uncomfortable herself.

"oh god, are you gonna cry again?" another voice stemmed from the group to build onto the humiliation.

"she always ruins the parties, why did you invite her?"

"wow, can't even handle a joke."

"if you were just gonna cry again, why'd you even show up?"

it was all getting to be too much. blue turned away to dart back inside with her hands clutched tightly around her stomach. streams of tears flooded uncontrollably as she found the bathroom, slammed the door, and slid down onto the floor, out of breath. she cried to herself a river of regret and shame.
once she could breathe a bit easier and her flushed face had cooled, she rose to her feet slowly and locked the door. there, she faced the mirror to see the thing she despised the most: her reflection.

she'd already been sucking in her gut with all of her strength to remotely look like her friends that were outside, enjoying themselves. for a moment, she, who had been uncomfortable during the entire duration of the party, let her stomach relax and was instantly devastated by how bloated she had felt and looked to herself.

"oh my god," she whispered in shock.

with her hands, she began punching and folding and twisting and pulling at her skin, trying whatever she could to make herself into something she'd be happy with. but, after pinching and squeezing herself, she finally admitted that there wasn't a way to look instantly different within only a few minutes and that she was stuck with the same reflection and body she hated. she never wanted to see herself. knowing this, she began to cry again on the floor, hugging her knees.