just a collection of things i never let myself say ---- it's not that I don't want to talk about it. it really isn't. because in all reality it is killing me to keep it to myself. my heart physically hurts from the weight of it all. but I don't want to tell you because I don't want you to look at me the way everyone else does. with a mixture of horror, heartbreak, and fear within their eyes. i don't want to have to say "it's okay" when you are at a loss for words. because it is not okay. i am not okay but just like me you don't know what to do about it. so if I can bear the pain and not have to put my parents through that. put you through that. i can take it.