My name is Alice Johnson, and this is the story of how I literally committed the dopest suicide ever from a moving plane. Maybe it's true, possibly not, who cares? The point is for you not to make the same stupid mistake I made in the past. Be humble. Be kind. Strive to be a better person than you are now. Whatever pride or ego you think you have, flush it down the drain because frankly, my dearies, we never can tell how much a simple sorry could mean to someone out there. Remember, karma never sleeps! So, without further ado, here's how my story goes: