Khaos

Do you guys think I should make a tiktok account? 
          And if you do, what type of content would you like to see from me?

I'm in need of a savior (savior), but I'm not asking for favors 
          My whole life, I've felt like a burden
          I think too much, and I hate it 
          I'm so used to being in the wrong, I'm tired of caring 
          Loving never gave me a home, so I'll sit here in the silence
          
          Lyrics from the song Silence by Marshmallow ft. Khalid
          
          Pretty much a resume of how I've been feeling like crap

I HAVE A SQUAD

MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS!
          I hope everyone is spending quality time with their families.
          
          Sorry for not updating I've been going through a very bad emotional moment. 
          
          Once again, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE :)

So, guess what?
          
          I always thought that my severe attention problems and my long day-to-day scenario daydreaming was completely normal. Turns out I was wrong and now I possibly have two more mental desorders to add to the previous two:
          
          Old ones:
          -Depression
          -Anxiety
          
          Newly discovered:
          -Maladaptive daydreaming
          -ADHD
          
          P.S. I'm a crappy 14 year old girl whose life is incredibly sad and yet, I don't really care, well, I do and don't at the same time.

          R.I.P. Chadwick Boseman. May Bast be with you

Lately I've been feeling better because I told my best friend: @StrangerElgirl how I feel and now I don't feel like a total loser.

You have been chosen to be showered with love. 
          Post this to everyone's wall that you think deserve your love 
          
          1 back and your loved 
          3 back and your popular 
          5 back and your the most lovable person in the world 
          9 back and holy crickets I'm jealous 
          
          Ur great just the way u are.  People do care including myself.  My in box is open when you need it. You don't have to send this back,  but I hope ur OK. -lilly
          
          

I am not okay. 
          I feel like nobody gets me.
          
          My mother always says that I'm lazy and that I shouldn't be cooped up in my room and reading on my phone all the time but that's the only thing that keeps me from remembering how sad I actually am.
          My stepfather doesn't seem to care, he's a lazy pickle.
          My father BARELY talks to me, unless I talk to him first.
          My older sister lives telling me that I shouldn't talk the way I do, I shouldn't act the way I do.
          My younger sister BREATHES telligg me she's better than me and criticizing me.
          My younger brother is the only one that doesn't actually hurt me, but he's just 5, so he really can't.
          
          I'm suffering here. Sometimes when I'm alone in my room, I just stop reading and cry my eyes out until I can't feel anymore. I have to hold tears in when I'm with my family because they won't get it, I never talk with people because I feel like I don't belong there, I never voice my opinions because I feel like I'm shutting others out.
          
          I don't know what I feel or how I feel.
          As I said in the beginning:
          I am not okay

❤❤❤