Daring to love you

23| Don't let go

^^^ Rhee-Yi

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I woke from another nightmare. I felt like I was suffocating, I was sweating breathing heavily, the usual scene that I still never got used to even though it always happened around that time of year. I felt someone holding my hand which scared me. "Stay away from me!" I said backing towards the wall. I took a few deep breathes and sat up to see a hurt Jae-boem staring at me. After a minute he sat next to me and slowly put his arm around me.

I won't hurt you." He whispered.

Those words, those fatal words. I don't know why they did but they touched me. I think it was also the mixture of the scare I began crying. I hated that I was crying, I hated that once again I found myself needing comfort, needing someone to rely on. That someone always used to be him and it seemed like we were going in circles. He just hugged me, he didn't say anything he was just there. Honestly, I cried a lot, there was so much I was crying for. Things I refused to cry for and like a can, it was the final shake and I exploded. I don't know how long I cried for but once I stopped Jae-boem let go of me and looked into my eyes. He wiped the tears off my face never once his eyes leaving mine.

"You're okay Rhee. I promise you are okay, try to sleep." He said and I saw he was about to move to the floor so I held his hand.

"Don't please just stay, please don't let go," I said lying down while still holding his hand, looking into his eyes.

"Rhee-Yi there's only one bed." He said avoiding eye contact.

"And it's king-sized I believe you can fit," I replied with my eyes closed.  I sighed slightly. "If you want to be let go, I'll be fine." Realising I was being selfish, when I went to let go he squeezed my hand slightly and lay next to me.

"How can I let go, when this is the first time you've asked me to say?" My heart began racing but I tried my best to remain calm. I felt tired normally after a nightmare I couldn't even close my eyes but every second I felt my eyelids getting heavier and my mind more and more at ease.

"Goodnight Rhee," He said placing a kiss on my forehead and that is the last thing I remember before drifting off to sleep.

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I woke up to Jae-boem's light snoring, we were still holding hands but he was inches away from my face. His hair messy bit somehow still attractive, his face so innocent and at peace. I couldn't help but look at him with a smile, without thinking I found myself playing with his hair. Only then did I realise I was wearing one of his shirts and it smelled amazing but I wondered how it got on me. My face flushed red praying he hadn't changed me himself but as I looked closer one sleeve was unbuttoned and the other folded neatly which was how I wore my shirts but only Grace knew that. I breathed a sigh of relief realising it was her not Jae-boem.

My head was aching a little, probably from the stress I'd been putting on myself. Then came the flood of memories and emotions last night. For starters, I kissed him on his cheek, then I let him hold me while I was crying and finally I had pleaded with him not to leave me. All of them moments of weakness.

I sighed knowing this always happened, I always would fall deeper and deeper in love with him. For me, I refused to accept him as a friend because he hasn't been my friend in a long time. Here's the thing it's impossible to be friends with someone you fell for. 

Most people thought I hated him and they were right I hated him because I love him. 

I gently slid my hand out of his, immediately hating how I felt the warmness seep out of me, it almost hurt to let go though it always did. I looked around for anything that belonged to me and I found my purse and phone in a draw before calling my driver to come collect me. I looked at the time and it was five am. I went into Jae's closet and borrowed a coat which went to my ankles since all I had on was a shirt and a short as well as putting his white cap on. I left Jae-boem a note saying I took his coat and left the room trying not to make noise. My driver came within minutes and drove me to my hotel room.