sharp. : a coinpin fic

Chapter Nine

He shouldn't have gone to see her.

What the hell was he thinking? He had no right. He didn't know what happened to her. Why she needed him.

The brisk air laughed and taunted him as he ran home. The wind gusts froze his tears, making them feel cold against his face as they streamed down his cheeks.

Everything he did. It was all wrong. He never should have rejected her the first time.

He was born to make mistakes. Firey was wrong about him. He was nothing. Pin didn't want him anymore. She didn't love him anymore. Firey was wrong.

His life was falling apart in front of him, as fast as the autumn leaves fell from the trees. Nothing will ever go back to normal. Nothing will ever be fixed. He really did have nothing.

His shoes pounded against the pavement as he ran as fast as he could. Every step was so intense, it hurt his feet. He deserved this pain. He was terrible to Pin. How dare he say those things to her? Something bad clearly happened while he was selfishly moping about.

He's been so selfish.

If he could take it all back, he could. If he could have just shut up about how much he loved her, they would be talking. If he wasn't selfish, she'd still be in his life. But life doesn't work like that.

Why was he so desperate to make Pin his? She would've been so much happier with anyone else in the world. Why would she want him anyways? He was a wreck. Born to be a disaster. To cause destruction with just his words.

She's probably happier with Eraser.

He smiled as the tears clouded his vision. His building was cold and uninviting, like always. Maybe she liked Eraser because he was giving her the closeness she craved so badly. Eraser wasn't being a selfish pity party in his apartment. No wonder she liked him.

Maybe he thought she was pretty.

She was.

His footsteps echoed loudly on the walls of the stairwell, replaying over and over until they were an endless thundering.

Maybe he thought she was funny.

She was.

His own sobs were choking him. It was getting harder to breathe, but he kept running.

Maybe he thought she was perfect.

She was.

His chest hurt from God knows what. His lungs couldn't get enough air to supply his badly aching body. He limped towards his door and struggled to put his key into the lock.

Maybe-

He opened his apartment door.

Maybe that was uncharacteristic of Eraser.

He slowly pushed open his door and staggered inside.

Because from what Coiny knew of Eraser, he wasn't the romantic type.

He closed the door behind him.

And from Coiny's recollection, Pin knew that too.

It all dawned on him. That's what happened to Pin. That's what made her so horrified when he said those terrible words to her. That's what made her so upset.

Eraser happened.

She regretted that.

He grit his teeth. Goddamn it. All of the years of knowing her as his best friend, and his knowledge of her had failed him. He needed to get his shit together. He needed to see life from her point of view. What was going on in Pin's head?

If only he wasn't so selfish. If only.

He sat down on the floor, his head in his hands. He listened to the sounds of his neighbors walking down the hallway. Sounds of moving. Sounds of moving forward.

He agreed with them.

There was no way for him to go back, anyways.

But deep down, he knew he would never move on.