This is just a little insight to Jaehyun from my last oneshot; Breaking Boundaries. I couldn't stop myself from writing this so... here we go.
Notes: Jaehyun is 21 and Taeyong is 35
Word Count: 800*
Jaehyun tipped his head back, downing another shot of soju. It wasn't enough - the drinks, the lights, the raging music. Getting drunk was supposed to make his mind fuzz around the edges, and yet, his thoughts were still at the forefront of his mind, loud and clear. He winced when the drink burned his throat and numbed his taste buds. It had only made the grilled meat in front of him more bland.
"Woah, woah, woah! Relax there," Johnny chided as Jaehyun reached to open another bottle.
Jaehyun hesitated before placing the bottle down to teeter before stilling and standing upright. Johnny was right. Getting drunk off his ass wasn't going to do anything for him, and it would only prove Taeyong's point further. Taeyong had never once said it, but he didn't need to, his apprehension was enough - he must have seen him as less of a man. Dealing with his problems like this was childish and immature, and yet, here he was.
Jaehyun rested his head in his hands as he thought about Taeyong. Taeyong who could be so beautiful and so kind, Taeyong who he'd loved for as long as he could remember. There had always been an ember within him when he looked at the man, something so warm and so light that it felt like the sun was going to burst out of the confines of his chest whenever Taeyong so much as spared him a glance. But he was seventeen then, and Taeyong was in his early thirties. He hadn't expected Taeyong to look at him then, and it would have been too painful to keep up such hope. He knew it then that he was only a little boy - in the eyes of Taeyong and every other adult, at least.
It was why he'd chosen to go away. It was why he'd taken that four year scholarship in America for a stupid degree in law. He had wanted to come back a different person in all aspects - so renewed and so different that Taeyong wouldn't even be able to recognise him. He'd spent his days there studying his ass off, working out, and improving his social skills so that he could finally - finally - look Taeyong in the eyes without feeling like he would crumble underneath the weight of them.
He'd watched Taeyong from afar for so long, he had listened to the phone calls exchanged with Ten, his brother, to know about some of Taeyong's relationships, and he'd kept his eyes on him to notice the little things. He'd known what had failed him and what had worked, and he knew what Taeyong craved - unpredictability and excitement, something to take him out of his mundane way of living. But he had overachieved. He had been too unpredictable and too exciting, so much so that Taeyong had faltered when Jaehyun thrust himself into Taeyong's life.
Jaehyun heaved a breath, feeling his eyes prickle with tears. Had they moved too fast? Was Taeyong just not ready? Was he just not ready? But he was. He knew he was. He'd spent four years preparing himself, and yet...
But fuck. Taeyong was so beautiful. Taeyong with his large doe eyes, pretty lips, and crooked smile. He was so so beautiful. Inside and out.
And Taeyong cared for him, too. He could feel it down in his gut, and his intuition never lied - he would've never made it this far if it did. Taeyong kissed him in a way that was special to them, sacred even, as if his lips held the key to their very own secret. And Taeyong would melt under his touch and turn bright red when Jaehyun whispered sweet nothings in his ear. He'd laugh at Jaehyun's dumb jokes, and giggle at his smart ones. He'd smile when Jaehyun would place a feather like kiss to his lashes and squeeze their hands together in the dead of the night like he was afraid to let Jaehyun go.
But despite all this, Taeyong was scared. He was scared and holding back. Taeyong was human - he could be insecure too, and Jaehyun could understand it because, for a long time, he'd felt that very same way. Taeyong couldn't ignore the whispers and looks because Taeyong was human. And Jaehyun still loved him because of and in spite of that.
He could feel Johnny's eyes on him, the man wanting to say something but not daring to in fear of giving the wrong advice. And when he felt like he'd tortured Johnny enough, he looked up, locking eyes with him. Johnny's stare was worrying and hard, but it didn't need to be. Jaehyun had made up his mind.
Without a word, Jaehyun stood up - the darkness and doubt that had seeped into the four corners of his mind his mind threatening to drag him down - and retrieved his jacket from his seat. He picked up his wallet and turned away from Johnny, face focused. He knew what he was going to do now. He knew where his feet would take him.
"Where are you going?"
Jaehyun didn't turn to answer him, but he stilled in his place, if not out of respect, out of plain cordiality.
"I'm going to get him back."
