My head is pounding
My world is spinning
I look into my world
All I see is kaleidoscope
Colors mesh and run
I try to make sense of it but when I do
My head pounds
My world spins
I try
I try
I try
I try
And I try
I think I understand
Apparently I don't
I try
I try
I try
And then I think I understand
But apparently I don't
So I think some more
And more
And more
And more
Until my head pounds
And my world spins
I hear voices
They're loud
They cloud up my mind
Until they turn into noiseless whispers
The volume cranks to level ten
It consumes me
Kills me
When will I hear again?
Booming whispers
Bouncing around with a purpose to destroy
Knocking on the inside of my skull
Like a drum
That's why my head pounds
My world spins
My eyes see what no one else can see
My red is your purple
My sky is your ground
You think I'm crazy
I don't care
You can think I care
Until your head pounds
But I can't let my head pound because of you
I can't focus on you
Because my world is spinning
My heart is a tornado
It turns and churns
And rips and skips and trips
And flies and lies and cries and dies
And when you tell it to stop
It won't
And when you will it to stop
It won't
And when you give up your soul just to make it stop
It won't
It crushes you beneath its foot
You fly
And lie
And cry
And die
Your heart rips out of your chest
Skips a beat then two
Then you see it trip in front of you
Like a child on pavement
Crying for their mother
Except the kid isn't home
They're in the middle of the forest
The blood the color of their cloak
With a big bad wolf around every tree
You watch your heart cry
Then it dies
You watch it die
Plus
You sold your soul to keep your heart
Heartless
Soulless
So what do you do now?
Your belly starts to churn
Your life takes a turn
For the worse
You become the tornado
My world spins
A merry-go-round with no friction
No way to stop the nausea
Hurl
A teeter tottering with two monkeys
One on each end
It's fun for them
But not for the man in the middle
Hurl
So sick and tired of life
You stay home
To avoid
Hurl
So sick and tired of life
Hurl
So sick and tired of life
Hurl
A train moving a million miles an hour
No track
Just a cliff
You hold on for dear life
Hurl
You pray the Lord will take you to heaven
You pray you've been good
Santa always brought you gifts
Hurl
A train moving a million miles an hour
Off the edge of a cliff
Slams into rocks
Your head hits the seats
Then the ceiling
Then the rocks
Then the blood
My head pounds
My world spins
Hurl
Stay away
Stay away
Stay away
Stay away
The demons can't haunt me
I can't let them in
They won't get in
Brick walls
You can try to fly over them
Berlin 1948
You can drop all you want in here
But you can't drop demons
Please don't drop demons
I can't take any more demons
I have enough of my own
They're booming whispers
Knocking on the inside of my skull
Like a drum
My head pounds
My world spins
You can think I'm crazy
I'm not crazy
I don't care
I can't care
I have to deal with my head and my world
I don't have time for you
I wake up early to work
My day is filled with work
I stay up late to work
I do what I have to do to survive
So don't judge me
Because you do the same thing
Whether you like to admit it or not
I'm just a poet
I'm trying
And slamming
Trying to live
Trying to slam
Do you even know who the heck I am?
I'm a girl
Hope for a future?
Maybe
But I'm just a girl
Not living a teenage dream
Because I got trains
And tornadoes
And sad lost children
And demons in my head that bang on it like a drum
I try
I promise you I try
I'm not insane
I am not crazy
You live your life
I live mine
You got your issues
I got mine
Beep Beep Beep
Trying to sleep
Gotta wake up
Put on make-up
Can't sleep
Gotta be
Working my butt off
3-2-1 blastoff
Not trying to be rude
But I gotta make food
Making eggs and ham
Do you even know who the heck I am?
I also have fears
I'm scared
All the time
I'm not lying
Just listen to me
Have you ever been so scared that your whole body shakes?
Like actually shakes
And you can't control it
You call it nervous
I call it scared
I'm scared
My head pounds
My world spins
I don't want to hurt you
What if I do?
Am I condemned to hell?
Once I'm at death's doors
Will I even be let in?
What if heaven doesn't take me either?
It can't take me because I hurt you
I messed up
I done messed up
You think I sound crazy
I'm telling the truth
If I do anything wrong
I am done for
Never to live again
Or if I do live again
I will not have deserved it
That's why I'm scared
If I mess up
If I disappoint someone
I'm not good enough for them
And then I'm not good enough for heaven
Or hell
I may be forced to live forever in my messed up world
You know
The one that spins?
Normal is overrated
But for one day
I would like to live
And be normal
One day where
My head doesn't pound
And my world doesn't spin
One day
Unfortunately
That's not the way life works
So I will keep wishing and dreaming
I will wish for no tornadoes
Or demons
Or whispers
Or trains
Or lost children
Or nausea
Or walls
And you know what?
I lied
I do care about what you think
How can I not?
But I'm working on it
I don't want to care about your thoughts
So yeah I care
But I can't
I'll wish for no pain and anxiety
Oh please make it stop
My head is pounding
My world is spinning.
