Stiles x Derek

1

⚠️TRIGGERING⚠️

⚠️PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!⚠️

Sometimes I find myself fantasizing about crashing my car into a lake.

I wonder how people would react in school.

Would they say they liked me and thought I was a good person?
Would my locker be littered with stuffed animals,flowers and heartfelt letters?
Someone confessing they're undying love me for me forever regretting not telling me?

Nah. That's actually laughable. It's a cliche in a movie made to tug on people's heartstrings.

No one spares me a glance. As soon as Scott got bitten he'd got himself a new 'group' of friends and left me all alone. It was slowly at first. So slow I didn't even notice until he cut me off completely.

I'm not bitter even though it sounds like that but I'm really not. I'm just sad he left me so easily. I thought we were closer than that. I thought he had more loyalty to me. The same I had for him. How wrong was I!

Anyway my dads on late shift again and I'm finding it really hard not to cut my self open or take a load of pills. That's why I'm writing all this down... to stop me. At least for a little while.

I haven't eaten anything yet. I'm not going to either. Why should I? Who'd even notice anyway? Who'd be there so hear my stomach rumbling or the lack of energy.

My lack of motivation. To do anything.

...

Sighing Stiles closed the notebook back up and shoved it back under the mattress. Nearly tripping over the water bottles and cans of sugar free drinks on the floor to get into bed.

He cocooned himself in his blanket, rolling himself into a fetal position, shutting his eyes he fell into a dreamless sleep.

————

He awoke not even 3 hours later to the sunrising.

The birds chirping and some one at his window?

Who the fucks at the window?

Rubbing his eyes he sat up slowly before realizing it was Derek......Interesting.

"What do you want? Scott's not here. I'm not doing any research. My dad will be back soon." He said it as fast as he can wanting to just get this over with.

Awkward silence and an intense stares was all he got in response.

"Do whatever you want. I'm going to shower."

"What's wrong with you? Why haven't you been showing up to pack meetings?"

"Wow more than 5 words. Real improvement. I'm impressed."

"Stiles."

The tone was soft and that just made him more angry. How dare he act like he didn't know. Fine he'll play along.

"I've gotta get dressed. Get out. Before my dad gets home."

And that was it. By the time he turned around Derek was gone. He was a little disappointed. In a way he wanted to have someone comfort him, someone he can tell how he's feeling. He didn't actually want to be alone.

Now that was fucking weird.

————

'Put one step in front of the other.'

'That's all you have to do.'

'Walk through the hallway and into the class on your left.'

'Don't look at anyone.'

'Keep walking.'

'Just.' 'Keep.' 'Walking.'

His mind was giving him instructions. This will make his day easier. All he has to do is follow them.

It made the looks go unnoticed.

————

School was boring. The teachers hate me even now that I'm quite. It doesn't matter. It's cool. I hate me too. So I get it.

People tried to talk to me today but all their face blurred together.

I just can't care enough.

I physically cannot move.

It's so much effort to even write this but in case I die my dad will know why I did what I did. When I eventually do it. And I know I will.

Showering. Brushing my teeth and hair. Doing my skin. Doing laundry.

They're so hard to do. But I do it anyway. My dad doesn't need the extra stress. I cause him enough.

He didn't talk to me today. Just looked so disappointed in me and walked out the door.

It's ok. I get it. I feel the same way. Everyone feels the same way about me.

I told myself get through today then just go to sleep.

It'll be ok. I need to sleep. I'll write more tomorrow. Or maybe not. I don't know. It's Saturday. Nothing to do.

I'll probably just stay in bed all day. I can't eat anyway. I have no energy.

Goodnight.

————

Right so I know this is really short but the next chapter will be the pack and Derek. So yay.

Thanks for reading!