Dear Journal,
I came out today. I spent the whole day debating on if I should come out or not. Around 9:00 at night, I went over to my mom and just started talking. She... she was accepting and promised she would try to use my correct name and pronouns but warned me she wouldn't be perfect.
I feel like I should be relieved after I've come out. But I'm not. I still feel scared. I'm scared that I could be wrong about who I am. I'm scared that I'll stop feeling like a girl, that I won't be able to tell them I'm not a girl anymore. There's still this stiffness in the air. I can't even look at my family, fearing that I'll see hatred in their eyes.
Because that's exactly what it feels like. It feels like they are all lying to me about how they accept me. It feels like they're all silently being transphobic. My sister... she hasn't even said my name once. She seems to be purposefully avoiding using my preferred name and pronouns.
I'm scared things will never be the same between my family and I. I know it literally won't be as I identify differently, but I imagined it to be similar, not like this...
I'm scared that I ruined my relationship with my family. I want to make sure I still have what I had, but I'm not sure I do anymore. I feel like if anyone ends up reading this, it won't make sense. And that's basically what I'm feeling. None of it makes sense.
This entry is being cut short, I'm afraid. I'm being called down for dinner.
Signed, yours,
Nia Nal
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A Trans Girl's Journal
Teen FictionNia Nal is mainly known as a fictional character in the DC comics, and is also on the TV show Supergirl. She is a trans woman (mtf) and was lucky enough to change young. The author themself, is a demigirl/enby who wrote this to feel more confident...
