that ridiculous game of crushes and jealousy

IV

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you're avoiding me

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you didn't expect that hanging out with jennie almost every weekend would be the most effective solution to your chaeyoung situation, after all.

you barely even realized that it gradually distracted you from it - from feeling weirded-out by every little thing you do or chaeyoung does whenever you're in a close proximity to each other.

(you wouldn't want to admit that you feel a little guilty about it - especially whenever chaeyoung will look at you funny because you'll unconsciously flinch under her embrace and completely platonic kisses all of a sudden.)

spending time with jennie distracted you from acknowledging your growing feelings for chaeyoung.

you even thought that you should take jennie out to dinner tonight, now that you've realized how helpful she's been in making you feel a little less guilty about having romantic feelings for your roommate slash best friend of four years,

because all this time, it turns out that you do have a crush on chaeyoung.

you just wouldn't say it out loud, especially not to lisa, who would undoubtedly be teasing you mercilessly about it when she finds out.

however, before you could even shoot jennie a text, your phone was suddenly snatched from your hold rather harshly, causing you to look up to that person with a frown.

you regret it, though, because now, your gaze met chaeyoung's raging ones, frustration and utter confusion clearly evident in her hazelnut orbs as she took painfully slow steps closer towards you.

"chu, did i do something wrong?" she asked in the most fragile of voices, causing your heart to immediately break in half as you watched chaeyoung's hazel eyes turn a little glossy. "you're avoiding me."

she knows.

of course, she knows. it wasn't a question, so obviously she's seeking for explanation.

and by the look in her eyes, you realized that chaeyoung seems to be a little desperate about it by now.

jesus, how long has it been since i started distancing myself away from her?

now, you feel bad. you didn't mean to cause pain in chaeyoung's innocent hazelnut eyes. but realizing that it must've already been a few (definitely not just a few) days since you last walked her to class or picked her up so you could drive home together, you feel guilty and angry at yourself for being such an insensitive asshole.

"chaeng, i," you trailed off, not knowing exactly what to say. "i'm not."

oh, bullshit. you find yourself wanting to answer your own statement in behalf of your best friend.

however, as you've anticipated, the blonde only furrowed her eyebrows as she continued to walk towards you, now almost pining you against the wall of your apartment bedroom.

this doesn't do any better about my situation AT ALL.

"yes, you are." chaeyoung mumbled in the smallest voice, eyes still firmly fixed on you as she tried seeking for answers in your own, uneasy gaze. "i barely even see you at night because you always come home late. then in the morning, you make sure to take off a lot earlier than necessary, leaving just a stupid piece of post-it note on the fridge for me to read."

at this point, chaeyoung's tears now started to fall from her eyes, yet she still tried her best not to stutter as she exclaimed rather frustratedly.

"well, news flash, kim jisoo. i don't want your stupid post-it note! i want to hear your voice when you wish me a good day ahead! i want to see you at night after our classes and eat dinner with you and watch a bunch of those stupid horror films that you're insanely obssessed with before going to bed, even if they only end up keeping me awake all night because i'm too scared, but you love them so i still fucking agree to watch them with you!"

shit. at this point, you realized how much you've fucked up real bad with this whole chaeyoung situation.

you only watched wide-eyed the way chaeyoung visibly deflates, shoulders slumping as she burried her face in her palms to restrain her sobs. "what is wrong with you? we're literally living under the same roof yet it doesn't feel like it at all. i love you so much but i just want to fucking punch you in the face right now."

letting out a sigh, you didn't hesitate to walk towards the younger girl, engulfing her in the warmest embrace as she tucked her head under your chin and wrapped her arms around your waist tightly, afraid that you might run away from her again.

you let your hands run freely through her soft blonde locks as you tried to whisper in a steady voice. "i'm sorry, chaengie. i've just been pretty busy lately. uni kinda gets a little tough for a student-athlete, you know?"

you didn't know why you chose to lie. maybe you weren't just ready to speak of what's really bothering you, not wanting to ruin your relationship with chaeyoung completely.

taking a deep breath, you rested the side of your head against chaeyoung's lovingly, continuously rubbing comforting circles against her arm as you listen to her response.

"but you were avoiding me." chaeyoung mumbled weakly, unending tears now soaking your shirt as she continued to cry helplessly in your arms. "did i do something wrong? please tell me if i did, chu."

planting a soft kiss on chaeyoung's head, you pulled away from the hug to wipe the endless streams of tears away from her reddened cheeks.

"babe, you didn't. i promise."

"then why are you being all weird? what's the problem? what is going on?"

you sighed, still not finding the courage to open up to her about it.

you tried, you know you did. you tried the hardest to swallow back that ridiculous crush you have on your best friend. and you thought it'd be better off that way, as keeping it to yourself will be a lot easier than telling chaeyoung and risking your whole four amazing years of platonic relationship with her. you couldn't stand even just the thought of it.

so you chose to lie to her face, again.

"i'm seeing someone."

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