Thursdays After School

Five

I BEAM AT MY SOCCER TEAM, knowing that in the match one-and-a-half weeks later, everybody will be friends with everybody. It will be a nice circle, where everybody is equal, and can talk to anybody. Who knows, maybe Lana will be friends with me too. But then I remember that beaming probably isn't the best idea because nobody wants to be friends with somebody who grins like an idiot. And today being cool matters more than ever.
      I look at Maya, and smile at her, she smiles, and waves feebly at me. I look at her, befuddled. Why is she acting so limp?
      "Hey, how's it going?" I ask her, ignoring the fact that she's being weird.
      "Umm, yeah it's good thanks. You?" she says. This is not the small talk that I wanted to hear. It's like she's desperate to leave, or shutting me out on purpose. Does she actually want to talk to me? I look her up and down, trying to see if there's any evidence of where she was or what she's feeling on her. Nope. Nothing.
      "Yeah, same. School?" I say. I wonder if Maya can hear the desperation in my voice. Why is she avoiding me like this? I can tell she doesn't want to be here, but asking about school is next level boring.
      "Ummm, pretty good. Soccer training is my savior today, because I would have gotten a heap of homework. Except I was just like, 'sorry, I have soccer training all night tonight, so I can't do it' except I don't really have soccer training all night, I have a sleepover at Lana's. You'll love it. Oh wait, could you come? You know that tomorrow's a day off school, right?"
      "What?" I say. I know about the pupil free days too, but the sleepover at Lana's is entirely new to me. I look at Maya, to see if she's lying, but instead she laughs it off.
      "I said that the team has a sleepover at Lana's after training. Did you RSVP no? Because I can stop talking about it if you want." she says. Her eyes are large with worry, bulging out of her head. She's genuinely concerned that I'm offended.
      "No, I wasn't invited." I say slowly. "Maybe my parents didn't get the text. Oh, nobody has my parent's number, do they? Maybe that why?" I say this for Maya's sake. I know that the team has me and my parents' details, and I also know that faulty technology isn't the reason I wasn't invited. Lana will tell everybody what she told Carly last week, and the whole team will hate me.
      And she's like "Yeah, they can't can they. I guess that's why." I like that Maya assumes the best of people, but I can tell she's a bit slow. Can't she see me being pushed when Lana's near me, being kicked in the knees? And why won't she be the goalie for the team? It's like she's too scared to ask.
      I nod, and the conversation is over. I'm glad, and it feels like a weight has been lifted of my shoulders. But if it has, than my shoulders are still aching from it. A sleepover. So it turns out that me and Lana aren't good after all. And then it hits me. Lana whispered something to Carly, and I bet that she's whispered the same thing to Maya, and that's why they're all being weird. I try to talk to other people, but the same thing happens: we have a small conversation where they try desperately to leave, and then they leave. Have I done something wrong to this team? Have I said something wrong? No, I haven't. I'm sure of it. So why the heck are they doing this?
      I go off, and into the drills. One thing I've noticed about Wendy is that her coaching is slowly improving. The first week was awful, and she seemed clueless. The second one was a practice match, but this one is actually going pretty well. Weaving a ball through cones and trying to be as fast as possible. We still have to do the running, but only one lap and it's a warm-up. She tells us about first-touch, which we already know, but I don't mind. I'm sure that next week's training will be the best yet.
      We do some passing, but not just straight on the ground passing. We try to see how many touches we can get as a team passing it to each other. I grin as we do it, passing to Maya and Carly, and once even to Lana. But she pretends that I passed it too hard, and clutches her stomach, moaning. She goes over to her parents, but they scold her and I try not to smirk.
      But not once does anybody talk to me. No breathing a word ever since the start of training. But people pass the ball, ones who haven't talked to me in all of two weeks. I return their passes, and sometimes they smile but never breathe a word. It's like the spell they've been under since the first week is slowly thawing away, leaving nice girls inside. Except the spell isn't quite broken.
      But then I see something horrendous. Lana whispers to most of the girls when we're playing rob the nest (I know, under 14's shouldn't have to play rob the nest, but I play anyway, and don't grumble like the other girls so) and soon they're kicking and fouling me. After she whispers to Maya, I try to talk to her, but she just ignores me. Suddenly I feel like crying.
      My only friend on this soccer team is ignoring me. She is pretending that I don't exist, just because of a rumour that doesn't even exist. She glares at me, and passes the ball too hard. I cringe away from her, and try to ask what's going on, but she just tells me to stop it, because she knows the truth. I ask her what she means, but she goes back to ignoring me.
      And then I remember what this training means. I can't quit. I can't just leave it. The truth sinks in, I'll stay on a team where every girl hates me, and I need to stay on that team for the rest of the season. I have made that commitment, and I will suffer from it. I feel tears welling up in my eyes, blurring my vision. Where are the Seekers now? If I didn't leave them, than none of this would be happening. Then they would still be alive, and still be losing all their matches. But I would rather lose matches than be on a team where everybody hates me.
      I force the tears back into my head, not letting them out. I will not give Lana the satisfaction of seeing me cry. It's what she wants, so I'm not giving it to her. I remember the seekers, the familiar way they passed the ball to each other, and cheered each other on. I remember every sausage sizzle, every day when we tried to recruit new female players but instead got more boys, exactly what we didn't need. There's still a boys team. I can be sure of that. but the girls team is just gone, with nobody to be with them, to support them. No girls playing soccer. I wonder what all the girls are, and whether they're still playing, but just for a different club. Or have they given up entirely? How many girls have stopped playing soccer just because of me?
      I long for Nicole, my best friend at soccer to be by my side, encouraging me. I haven't heard Accelerate encouraging each other once. They are a bad team.
      I remember what Dad told me before. I'm locked in this team now. I have ton go to every training, participate in every match.
      I mutter something about needing to go to the toilet, and go behind the toilet block and cry. This is what Accelerate has in stall for me once a week every week.
      I will not cope.