Thursdays After School

Seven

I take deep breaths, in and out. I need to do this, otherwise I'll be knocked breathless by all this drama. I see Winter, a girl who I haven't spoken to yet. She turns around, and for the first time I notice how tall she is.
      "Are you okay?" she says. It isn't a nice 'are you okay'. Instead, it's the kind that people say when they couldn't care less if you're okay and it's just an insult in disguise. I feel like hitting her, but I know that would ruin the point of this whole confrontation.
      "Yes." I say simply. Winter recoils away from me, but then I quickly apologize. My second one of the day.
      "Guys, I just heard that whole conversation." I announce. There. I've said it. And now I can suffer the consequences. This is a terrible idea. Maya takes possession of the ball and passes it to Lana, who comes running here with a curious and satisfied look on her face. Great. Now I have the bully who started all this here.
      A murmur spreads through the four girls gathered here, and Maya comes back, probably to listen to what I have to say. At least she thinks that my words matter because they do. They're one of the most important things I've ever said at a soccer event. Apart from maybe when I told my teammates that O was leaving the Seekers.
      I shut that out. I can't think about the Seekers now. This is my apology to Accelerate FC, not the Seekers. It's about them, not about me. I need to focus in the present, live in the now and all that stuff. I can't think about the Seekers. Not now, at a moment so precious. At a moment that if I say one thing wrong, then my place here - which has already hit rock bottom - starts to dig.
      "I'm sorry I lied." I say. The atmosphere is so thick and hard that you could cut it with a knife - but only one of those really huge knives that have to be sharpened to work at all. The team seems to collectively exhale, but then suck in all their breath again when they realise what I mean. I strain to think of something that I could say next to justify everything I've done in the last four weeks. "It's just that, you're a really good team, and - and-" I can't say it. I can't say that the Seekers FC is a bad team. It isn't. It is just at the bottom of the ladder because of all the pressure, and doubt. Without that pain, we could have been on the top of the ladder in a few easy matches.
      But then I remind myself that it's about Accelerate, not me or my team. I can't make this too personal. I can tell them if they ask, but not if they don't. I don't think they'll want me to tell them about every finicky detail that happened with the Seekers, no matter how much I want to. I can tell it to Hadley, or his dog. Not to these people.
      "Yes, I know we are a fabulous team." says Carly, tossing her hair around like a supermodel.
      I ignore her. I think sometimes it's the best approach with Carly. "But I just thought that you wouldn't want somebody from the Seekers." Just then, a whole world opens out in front of me. The Seekers. I've said it out loud. I've admitted it. But now I can be the person to prove that if you really look at them, and I mean a proper look, you can tell the Seekers are a good team. I will represent them. It feels so good to be honest with Accelerate after four weeks of lying. After highs and lows, friendships and enemies. And this is hardly the end of this. No, it's far from that. It's a new beginning. And a beginning that I will cherish.
      "Hah!" says Winter. Once again, I'm intimidated by her. She's going to mock me. Scold me. Tell me off. But instead of all the nastiness I'm expecting, she just says "Do we really look that judgemental to you?"
      "Yes." says Carly sharply.
      "She's trying to apologize." hisses Maya. "You need to shut up."
      "Good point." Carly replies.
      "I'm sorry, but I shouldn't have done it. I swear on my life that I won't do it again. I promise." I say. I don't even register the size of what I'm saying. I won't lie about my team to fit in or anything like that. "You know, I was feeling all this guilt for leaving the Seekers because well, I was one of their central players. People kept leaving, and they wouldn't come back. And the team got smaller and smaller, until this season we were at the bare minimum. And then I left!" I shriek the last bit without meaning to. I don't want to cry in front of these people, but I can't hide it.
      Soon, tiny waterfalls are gushing out of my eyes, and I'm left sobbing. My voice cracks, and I can't say anything else. Lana pats my back feebly and I smile. Soon the tears aren't sad, but happy. Happy that I've found my place in the team. Happy that I found friends as good as these. Happy to finally tell somebody exactly how I feel. Soccer is my life, and although part of me will always be with the Seekers, I can give the rest to Accelerate. It doesn't matter which team I'm on. Just that I do what I love, and that is playing soccer.
      I am officially a part of the team now, and I love them. Carly and Winter and Lana surround me, and soon Maya comes too. Then it seems that the whole team is there, comforting me. Good. Then I don't have to repeat my monologue again. Now I can focus on what really matters as a soccer team: playing the matches.
      Really, all this stuff happened just in the nick of time. Two days until the next match. I couldn't have timed this more perfectly. If Dad hadn't been late, none of this would have happened and I would still be in the dark about why the team 'hated' me so much and the match in two days time would be a disaster. But now we are united, and nothing can break this team. Not secrets, or lies. As if reading my mind, Carly says "And in case you're worried, Accelerate will never die. Or lose."
      "Carly!" exclaims Sonia, walloping her on the back. Carly flinches, but after that she just laughs like a maniac. This is what a united team looks like (apart from the walloping) this is what people do when they are absolutely certain. I don't even care about what Carly says about Accelerate never dying because I know that it's true.
      When you have a team like this, you can never die.
      For the rest of training, I go into an overdrive mode, running as fast as I can, and giving training my all. I run faster, and follow all of Wendy's techniques. We are the best. And it isn't only me - the other girls do too. I'm not the only one who notices a significant change in the atmosphere than after all. The others feel it too.
      And after training is over, and I'm in the car on the way home, Dad says "I checked the website for the soccer comp. It turns out you can move teams after all."
      I look at the girls filing into cars, saying hi to their parents and telling them how it went. They laugh and joke together, and I smile at them like a proud parent. For a second it seems tempting. I can leave and start all over again, with a blank slate.
      But then I can't can I? Especially after everything I've been through.
      "No." I reply. "I want to stay with Accelerate."