Number One || Oikawa x Reader

♔ 𝚃𝚎𝚎𝚗𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚈𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 ♔

"I can do this... I can start over. I can save my own life and I'm never going to be alone as long as I have stars to wish on and people to still love."
—Jennifer Elisabeth, 'Born Ready: Unleash Your Inner Dream Girl'

||| (F/n)'s POV |||

"Hey, Iwa..." I said trying to get his attention. He was leaned against the wall by a window. He turned his head to look at me. You don't want to do this. You don't want to do this. You don't want to do this. You have to do this. "Can we address this? Like actually? Why don't you think we will work? Don't bring up any of my mental illness?"

At first, Iwa didn't say anything. He kept his eyes on the image outside. "You want an honest answer?" He asked calmly.

"Yeah," I replied.

"Because of Oikawa."
"What do you mean because of Oikawa?"

"(L/n), you know why."
He wasn't wrong. I knew why. "He's not there yet."

"Fair, but when he finally realizes it. If we're together, he's going to start comparing himself to me then start annoying the both of us to try to overcompensate for feeling bad that he wishes we weren't together. In no way am I saying you're not worth it, but I don't want to hurt him... and I don't want to hurt you. Why are you scared of admitting your feelings for him? It was so easy for you to come to terms with your feelings for me."

"I don't like him like that. That's why. It's not hard for me to know shit like this."

"You don't like him or are you not allowing yourself to like him?" Iwa asked.

"Don't do that. That's not fair."
"Just think about it."

"I don't want to think about it."
"Why is it easier for you to like me? Think about it."

"I don't want to."
"What is it about Oikawa that makes you afraid?"

"Stop."
"I don't want to be someone's easy option." After Iwa's last statement. There was a pause in the conversation. "I like you. Fuck, I really like you, but..." He confessed. He looked me dead in the eye. As he continued, he averted his gaze from me and stared up at the ceiling, "You don't like me the same way I like you. Maybe I'm wrong and you don't have feelings for Oikawa, but your feelings for me don't go past an infatuation."

"That's not true."
"Isn't it? Both you and Oikawa see me as pillars in your lives. The only difference is Oikawa isn't attracted to me." Iwa claimed.

I didn't say anything else. I put my head in my hands. I don't like Oikawa. But he was on to something about being a stable pillar.

"I'm sorry," I told Iwa.
"Don't be."

"I'm sorry."
"You did nothing wrong."

"I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing."

I was happy that this went better than it did in my head, but apart of me wanted him to yell at me or hit me or just get angry or just leave me because that was familiar behavior for me.

Iwa spoke again, "I like hanging out with you. I love being your friend. But I need some time to process. It still kinda stings, you know, but I'll get over it, I guess... Let me buy you something from the vending machine."

I refused.
"Okay... then what can I do to make you feel better?"

"I should be asking you."
"Don't worry about me and don't feel guilty. I'm fine. And I know what I'm doing."

"But–"

He held my face in his hands. "No guilt, promise me."

"... No guilt... but I still like you."