poetry

12/30/20

I'm falling in a different way now
losing my grip
starting to slip
the footholds of my mind
have worn themselves down
from repeated heartbreak
from repeated soul-ache
from the tumbling echoing screams of
WHO AM I?
that rattle constantly inside

she's awake again
I feel her stirring
stretching
p r e s s i n g
against my skin
What does she want with me?
her claws sink into my fingertips

Who am I?

I can feel the edge of myself lifting
gaining her access to the world
all she wants is to break
to crush
to shatter
to mar
to thrash about
until there is nothing
and everything
littered at her scaly feet

my scaly feet

I thought I was falling but
it turns out I'm flailing
grasping for straws and
bodies and
anything
anything
that moves
or breathes
or loves me

but when I find them
when my fingertips brush the hem
of their shirts
of their hearts
she throws them away claiming
burden claiming
useless claiming
never enough claiming
how could they love you claiming
how could you love you claiming
who am I to accept their love.

who am I?

WHO AM I?

the yelling never stops
it rings around my mind
numbing the footholds
and nooks where I
store my sanity
where I stored my sanity
now it's drifting
falling
desperately trying to settle

down

a

never-
ending

hole