Battlestar Galactica: Devotion

Chapter 4

IV

New Caprica, Before The Cylon Occupation

"So you hear the latest scuttlebutt, Madam President?" Saul Tigh had his usual tin cup of what Laura called "rot gut", next to him on a piece of wood that was cut to what would be an end table, the cup sitting there.

"Let me guess", Laura said with a thin smile, "Gaius Baltar resigned?"

Tigh let out one of his closed-mouth, small laughs. "Now that I would drink to." That thought seemed like such a good idea, that he picked up the tin cup and took a healthy swig. "No, but I heard Starbuck and Sam had a huge argument last night. Why those two frackin' hotheads got married is beyond me."

That wasn't exactly news to Laura Roslin. Sam Anders and Kara had married not long ago. Her own sources-and even as an ex-president, she still had them-had indicated to her that she was pining for Lee, but Lee had decided that Kara wasn't worth the trouble, and had fully committed to his wife, Dee.

"Love works in mysterious ways, Colonel", Laura said, shaking her head.

"I don't think she's in love with Sam", Tigh said, quickly adding an amendment. "I think they care a lot for each other, but I don't think Kara really knows what love is. Not even when she was engaged to Zak Adama."

Laura looked at him sharply. "Bill told me they were very much in love."

"Let me put it this way, lady", Tigh said in his gruff demeanor. "Kara has never felt that she deserved to be loved. Have you heard about her upbringing?" Laura shook her head to the negative. "Well, her mother was a piece of work-a drunk, and a drug addict. Starbuck told me once that, as punishment for pulling a practical joke on her mother, dear old mom smashed the fingers on her right hand into a door, breaking all of 'em."

Laura recoiled in shock. "What kind of parent would..."

Tigh cut her off. "Like I said, her mom had substance addictions. Helluva way for someone to say 'I love you', isn't it?"

Over the next few weeks, Laura tried to talk to Starbuck, to see if she could allows the younger woman to get a lot of what was going on off her chest. Each time, Kara simply smiled at Laura, and told her that she was dealing with it, and thanked her for caring.

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Kara Thrace was off by herself, in a hilly area just west of the settlement that was New Caprica. It was one of the few beautiful places on the otherwise dull, gray rock: hills that surrounded a valley that, on the few days the suns would shine, would turn the open meadow into an array of colors from flowers that would briefly open, only to disappear once the suns disappeared, which could be weeks on end.

It was her favorite spot to think. She had been spending more and more time at this location, as the fights between she and Sam had intensified. She only married Sam, she knew, to spite Lee. She loved Sam, but wasn't in love with him, and she had given up on trying to pin for Lee Adama. All it ever did was make them both miserable. Better to be miserable by himself.

Lost in thought, she didn't hear someone coming along the path that led to this spot. She didn't know anyone else was there until she heard a startled "oh, my goodness", be hind her. She almost jumped out of her skin.

"Gods, Madam President", Kara said, her heart starting to beat again, "you scared the shit out of me!"

Laura had been almost as equally surprised. "I'm sorry, Captain, I had no idea anyone else would even be here."

Kara puzzled at Roslin. "You come up here? I thought I was the only one who knew about this place?"

Laura smiled and chuckled. "It's a good spot to think", she noted, sitting down next to Starbuck. "Especially when the sun is out."

Kara relaxed a little and smiled. "Yeah", she said wistfully, "that's why I come out here. To think and to get my bearings."

Laura could see the consternation on the woman's face. "Still having your marital issues?" It was said with no accusation or judgment in the former President's voice, which made Kara turn and smile at the older women.

"You could say that, Madam President."

Laura shook her head. "Captain...Kara", she corrected herself, "I'm not the president, so, please, call me Laura? You have called me Laura for so long when we're talking."

Kara nodded. "Yeah, Laura, it's just fracked up, to be honest. Sam's not a bad guy, but we're both so fracking strong-willed and stubborn. We simply butt heads all the time."

Laura studied the younger woman for a few moments. "I was in a few relationships like that when living on Caprica", she informed Starbuck. "It isn't a good feeling knowing that you do care for someone, but things just can't seem to ever smooth themselves out."

Kara snorted a laugh. "I'm just surprised with my history, Sam ever gave me the time of day, to be honest."

"Why do you say that, Kara?"

Kara finally opened up to Laura, telling her about her childhood, her relationship with Zak, her maddening relationship with Lee, and her reputation on Galactica as the best fracking pilot, and the best fracking frack onboard. Starbuck tried to keep it light, but Laura could see the doubt, and the hurt that filled the woman's eyes when talking about her life.

"So, yeah, I'm surprised I even wanted to get married. With the exception of Zak, I don't think I've ever been in love, and the gods know all those one-nighters my rack or someone else's rack onboard didn't mean anything.

"I guess I never felt I ever deserved love or happiness, Laura."

Surprisingly, Kara Thrace broke down at that moment, a sudden rush of tears catching Laura Roslin off guard. Instinctively, she scooted over and wrapped Kara in an all-encompassing brace. Laura thought of the many times Starbuck had laid her very life on the line, and had never hesitated to do what Laura requested of her. Her heart ached for the younger lady.

"Kara Thrace", she said soothingly, "you're so wrong. You deserve to be loved, just like everyone else. You probably deserve it more than most people. I'd be lucky to find someone like you."

Laura didn't even realize she had said those words until it was too late. Kara broke the embrace to look at the ex-president. Kara was sure Laura had just said those words to be kind and uplifting, but the two women's eyes locked on each other at that moment. Maybe it was the rare warmth of the day. Maybe it was the drudgery of living on this gods-forsaken rock every day, with such little joy. Maybe it was just desperation.

Whatever it was, the kiss that erupted between them was like a bolt of lightning surging through them. In moments, clothes were discarded, and several hours spent in seclusion having intense, cathartic sex. They both put it down to simply the need for something liberating in a world where they felt prisoner to their circumstances. They couldn't allow for them to think of it as anything else.

The very next day, The Cylons arrived, sending Galactica and Pegasus away, Kara imprisoned by Leoben. She would not be free until The Fleet returned.