Unapologetically Black - Short Stories/Poems Collection

Go Bigger - Based on My True Story

                "It's just a little...unkempt."

Martin shifted uncomfortably in his large chair designed to tower over whatever employee he was reprimanding. In his few short weeks taking over our store, he had managed to make everyone miserable, escorting at least a dozen Cast Members into his office to berate and sending most of them rushing home in tears. I refused to be one of them. Digging my nails into the seat cushion, I fought the urge to lash out or, God forbid, cry from fury.

He had to know he was out of place. If he didn't, he wouldn't be darting his eyes across the room, looking everywhere but my eyes. Martin cleared his throat and looked back at me; rather, he looked up at my ebony ringlets and curls like they were worms. 

           "Please don't get me wrong, that is a very lovely style. But we do have a standard we must uphold as Cast Members."

           "Yes, I know the Disney Look very well," I said with a smile. I had studied those guidelines like a priest does the Bible in the months before my program began, making sure there I was fully prepared for my dream job. I'd followed every single rule down to the letter, watched countless online videos of advice and reached out to previous Cast Members, all to make sure nothing would surprise me and get in the way of my experience. But nothing had prepared me for this.

Martin frowned at my response, sensing a possible challenge to his authority. All discomfort set aside, he leaned forward in his chair with his fingers laced together so tightly his pale knuckles were turning red. "I don't wish for this to be uncomfortable, Laura, but I will get straight to the point. Please come back on stage with your hair pulled back and not sticking up anywhere or do not come back at all. Am I understood?"

Rage and despair battled in my heart, shooting fire through my veins as his words echoed over and over in my head. Just a few hours ago I was standing in my mirror with excitement, beaming at the mass of curls that framed my face and fell just over my shoulders. I usually wore my hair in a bun to work, always pressed for time from classes or too exhausted to care. Yesterday, though, I was inspired by a woman I found online whose skin was darker than midnight and hair was piled as high as a mountain. Her profile was filled with photos of her in many different outfits on various occasions, but it was the whimsical ones that truly caught my eye.

As much as I adored and fawned over the fairy tales Disney animated, I'd grown used to not seeing myself in their pictures. The few characters that even came close very rarely got to exhibit their feminine side, and even rarer were they the "pretty" types that went to balls and married princes. I couldn't very well fault Disney for it when there wasn't a single media outlet out there who showcased such a character...but then here she was. Her curls were out in full display, adorned with dozens of braids, jewels and crowns fit for a queen. She wore gowns of every color that were designed just for her to match her complexion perfectly, adorning them in lavish locations that dripped of fairy tale lore.

She inspired me, and I wanted to recreate some of her looks. The twirling skirts of my costume were good enough to suggest a ball gown, so I set about working at my hair. It took many hours of washing, conditioning, combing, trial and error braiding and unbraiding, and a few tears admittedly, but I was overjoyed with the result this morning. My curls were a mix of loose and kinked ringlets that shone in the light, pinned in a way that made them shower above and around my head like a lion's mane. The accessories I wanted to add were against Disney Look so I kept them out...but there was nothing about my curls that broke the rules.

I breathed in and out as slowly as I could, willing the lump in my throat to fall out without pulling the tears stinging my eyes with it. I was sure Martin could tell, as a smile tugged at his lips. I refused to give him the satisfaction. I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry.