My sunshine (Phan)

Chapter 10

|Trigger warning|
*Dans flashback*
"Alex, I'm getting some Chinese food for dinner tonight.." I said peeking through the cracked lounge door, the room was quite dark with the bright glow of the TV being the only light source. Alex was curled up in a soft blue blanket, his sandy brown hair a mess, wearing my uni sweatshirt his which was somewhat big on him. He had been laying there most of the afternoon and it didn't seem like...him.

"Okay, love, be safe.." He sleepily stretched out his arms for a hug, not bothering to move away a from the couch. I walked over and tightly embraced him and pecked him on his cheek, his pale skin so warm and soft.

"Are you okay? You seem a bit off today.." I said pulling a small frown "No. I'm alright just tired is all... And Dan. I love you, A lot." He said looking up at me "I love you too.." I trailed off... Looking at the faint dark circles under his eyes. He didn't look okay, it didn't even look like him, not the Alex I knew. Trying to revert my mind from negative to positive Id created better scenarios in my mind to help me worry less, maybe he stayed up too late last night ?

I waved my goodbyes, still uncertain about the situation I slipped on a jacket and grabbed my flat keys. It was kinda chilly out for a spring evening. The crisp wind wrapped around my nose forcing me to smell the sour smell of freshly cut grass, leaves cascaded blowing the in different directions and just a sliver of the glowing orange sun was showing from the horizon as the sky radiated beautiful shades of purple and yellow This was the time of year I enjoyed, just taking a mind clearing walk and just forgetting everything.

Living in the city was actually alright, it was always fun to see the great scenery and the chatting and conflict amongst the people, it was way better than the suburban area I used to live in with my parents. Where most of the middle class white kids thought they were drug dealing rappers, I never really had a hard time with them, mostly because I just ignored them and tried to be seen and not heard. I never really was the social type back at home. I remembered the times I sat alone in the library corner eating my terrible school lunch, basically my only friend was an older librarian that continuously checked up on me.

I finally reached the small Chinese diner I quickly went in, ordered our food and sat in silence as I watched the man prepare it. He was so quick when preparing food, it was almost scary..

I tipped him and thanked him for the meal as I tightly gripped the transparent white bag, my palms began to sweat. I couldn't help but think about how cute Alex was curled up on the couch, I loved everything about him. Even his cute little dimples and soft brown hair.
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When I inserted the keys into our flat doors could hear loud bloodcurdling cries echoing throughout the flat, this scared me I have never heard anything like it, each cry radiated pure sorrow. I quickly opened the door "ALEX?!" I scream clenching my fists. heard the cries getting louder as I sprinted through the hallway and into the bathroom. Alex was sprawled out on the bathroom floor, a bottle of bleach on the counter. Tears sprang out of my eyes at the sight I could feel my stomach churn. "I'm sorry Dan ... Please don't.. Don't..." He whispered to me.

Small cuts were spread around his arms and now tears dripped on to his wrists as I tried to examine them. I picked up Alex and put him in the bathtub, not bothering to take off his clothes. I quickly turned some lukewarm water on an watched as Alex slightly closed his eyes. "Alex, please tell me you didn't drink that.." I whispered in his ears holding his now wet face, drops of water hit the ceramic shower floor around him "No..." He hiccuped "Dan I don't want to be here please help me..." He continued to let out a loud cry into my shoulder. I felt awful I was an idiot for leaving Alex when I fucking knew he wasn't alright, what have I done to myself? What did I do to him?