I wish you stayed | Andrew (Merluca)

Part 9

Almost two years (NEXT DAY)

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"I will spend the day with Zola, Bailey and Ellis again today. These days are always the best days. Your kids are incredible. It always makes me happy to see them." – 09. December 2022

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"Don't forget the cookies out of excitement." Carina smiled teasingly at me when I was already on my way outside. She handed me the box with the chocolate cookies I made the previous day before I wanted to go out of the door.

"Hey!" I scolded her with a smile, when I reached out for the cookies, and Carina put them out of my reach, so I couldn't get them.

"Carina!" I shouted before I started to laugh. Relationships between siblings probably never grow up.

"You know even Zola, Bailey and Ellis behave better than you. Give me the cookies." I added with a laugh.

"Okay, okay. I'm just glad to see you a bit happier again." She gave me a smile.

"Thank you." I said while I took the cookies from her, with a triumphant smile when I got them before Carina could take them away again. "Thank you." I added more sincerely after a moment. I was so grateful to have her in my life. She could drive me crazy sometimes, but she was also the best sister I could wish for.

And then I went outside, to finally go and see the kids again.

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A little later I had picked up the three and went with them to the park nearby. First we had played soccer, which was a lot of fun. Ellis and I were a team, and played against Zola and Bailey, while I tried to help her make a goal. Of course, I wasn't allowed to help too much, because she was already eight years old and didn't need help, but it made me so happy to see the big smile on her face, when she was the one who shot the first goal during our soccer game.

Afterwards we went back home, into the warmth, sitting down in the living room with hot chocolate and the cookies I had made for them.

The kids joked around, which one of them was better at soccer and therefore could choose a movie to watch. They reminded me of Carina and me. Why did everything need to be a competition between siblings? I had to laugh a little at listening to them.

In the end they chose to watch their favorite movie again. I probably could have predicted that from the beginning, but maybe some day they'll chose another movie. One that they hadn't seen a million times already.

Once the movie was over, I stood up wanting to bring the empty cups and plates into the kitchen, when I heard Zola behind me.

"Andrew?"

"Yes, Zozo." I turned towards her, with a small smile, to see what she wanted.

"Do you..." She stopped for a moment.

I noticed that she was hesitating a bit, so, I put the plates and cups down again to be able to completely focus on her and  tried to encourage her to ask what she wanted to know.

"My mommy always said that daddy is still with us even though he died... Do you think mommy is also here with us?" Zola asked, and Bailey and Ellis also seemed like they were interested in knowing what I thought.

I knelt down to be on their height, trying to concentrate to not let the tears that were forming in my eyes fall out. I wasn't prepared for this question, and for a moment I didn't know what to say. But I knew that Meredith would always try to be there for them.

"Yes, I believe that." I gave them a warm smile, while remembering Meredith. "She will always be with you." I brought all of them in my arms to give them a hug. I never wanted to let go of them again. It surprised me every time anew how much I loved these kids. I was embracing them a little closer, before loosening my grip so I could look at all of them.

"You know, your mom would be so proud of all of you."

I gave them a small smile, full of emotions, and not able to say more in that moment.

...

I cleaned the kitchen and put the plates and cups away when Amelia and Maggie came home. The kids asked me to stay for dinner and how could I say no to them? We had ordered pizza, something that reminded me of Meredith. I loved those evenings where we sat down with our pizzas on the couch, watching a movie or playing games with the kids, while having Meredith in my arms. We had only gotten the chance for such evenings a few times. And now she was missing on that couch.

I had taken a few deep breaths, before I tried to focus on the game Amelia, Maggie, I and the kids were playing. And somehow, I was still able to enjoy the evening, because these kids were just amazing.

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"Andrew, wait. Before you go, I think I found something you should have."

I had just helped Maggie to put the kids to bed and wanted to go downstairs again to say goodbye when I heard Amelia behind me. She was coming out of her room with something in her hand.

"Meredith would kill me if she knew I gave this to you. But she loved you and she would want you to know that."

"What is this?"

"We went through some of Meredith's things and we found this. She actually has a few of them. She always used them to write down her ideas for her medical research and work but... You can read the other ones too, but I think you should have this one."

"I –" I didn't know what to say.

"We miss her, too." She looked at me for a moment, telling me that she knew, in some parts, how I was feeling "Read them. They helped me, even though it was mostly about medicine; it was a part of her. It helped. And this one –" She pointed at the one she gave me. "I think you meant more to her than you might think."

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"You have three incredible kids, Mer. And amazing sisters. I want to believe that you are still with them. That you are still with us. And I know you would do everything to be with them. You definitely still have a place in my heart, just like your kids have a place there. And that will never change! ...Today... Amelia gave me something . It's one of your notebooks. I don't know if you want me to read them. I think I want to read them, but I'm not sure what to do, yet." – 09. December 2022

[I never thought about sharing them, but I hope they help you]

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End of chapter 9

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Thank you for still reading this story!!