I wish you stayed | Andrew (Merluca)

Part 18

3 years after Meredith's death (4 Months)

...

"This will be my last letter for now. I think it's time for me to let you go. And it's time for me to look forward. But even though I won't write you that often anymore. I will never forget you. You'll always be a part of my life. You'll always have a special place in my heart. I will always love you"  – 12. December 2023

...

Emma and I had found a good balance. Of course, only Emma could really say that. But we were doing great. I still had moments where I missed Meredith a lot and that would probably never go away completely. But when I did need time, Emma gave me a bit more space. Like now, where Meredith's death day had been coming up. But I also noticed that I didn't want to be far away from her for too long.

Today was the first time I would visit Meredith's grave with Amelia, Maggie and the kids. I had always gone there by myself, wanting to be for myself. So, I could talk to her... and tell her how I was feeling. But today I would visit her with her family, and I liked the thought of that, too. They were her family and now they were also my family.

I had joined their breakfast this morning. Better said, I had made breakfast for them. Pancakes, because that's what they love most.

A few months back I had introduced Emma to the kids. And to say I was nervous would be a big understatement. I knew how much Zola, Bailey and Ellis had lost and I wanted under no circumstances that they felt like I or Emma would replace their mom in any way. I had become some kind of male role-model and good friend to them, I think... and I tried to make sure that they knew that Emma could also be their friend, but that just because I was in a relationship with her now, it didn't mean that she replaced Meredith; that I still loved their mom and missed her a lot; that they could talk to me about her. And that we would never forget her.

And to my relief they seemed to accept her. They were a bit reserved in the beginning, but I loved to see how they were slowly forming some kind of friendship. It would take time, but that was okay.

But today, Emma had given them space and told me to stay as long as I needed to. And, so, I had spent the whole morning having breakfast and playing with the kids, before we made our way to go to the cemetery.

...

"Andrew, why did you bring that little box?" Zola asked me as we walked to Meredith's grave.

I had brought the little box with my letters to Meredith with me today. It had helped me a lot to write her during the past few years. But I felt like it was time for me to give them to her now. I wanted her to have them now.

"Because there is something inside that I want your mom to have. She helped me a lot and now I want her to have this, because I love her a lot." I answered with a small smile looking at the three kids around me.

"Like the pictures we bring her?" Ellis asked me curiously.

"Yes." I answered, with a sad smile. As I looked up, I saw Amelia and Maggie observing us with a sympathetic gaze. This was hard for all of us. But together we gave each other hold and hope to look forward.

We arrived at Meredith's gravestone. The kids told Meredith about their lives and then the pictures they had drawn, before they put them in front of her gravestone. Then Amelia and Maggie talked to their sister, telling her what was happening in their lives.

After they finished, I took the box with my letters and laid it down on her grave, letting my thumb graze over the box one last time, before I stood up again, closing my eyes for a moment.

"Thank you for everything, Mer."

Even though she wasn't here anymore she was still there for me, showing and helping me to move on. She was the reason why I got through this time. And I would forever be grateful for her. For the time I was able to spend with her. And for the things she taught me. And most importantly for the love she gave me.

"I will always love you, Mer."

[I love you, too.]

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The end

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This was the last chapter of this story...  I hope you liked it even though it was a sad story...

This story definitely made me cry while writing it, but somehow it has become something really close to my heart... I liked exploring this through Andrew's eyes and I really felt with him...

But now I also want to write something happier again!!

But, before I do that, I wanted to THANK YOU for reading, voting and commenting!!! It really motivates to get some feedback and I love to read your comments and thoughts!! So, thank you!!!

And if you have any more questions about the storyline you can just ask me!! :)