Open Door Critiques [CLOSED]

📜 Old Critiques | 01/15/2021

[NEARLY FULLY OPEN] for elmirafh:
• Has a strong grasp of characters and their interactions to one another
• Slight habit of withholding key information from readers
• Many chapters suffer from 'all talk, no action'

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\\ CHAPTER ONE

• "Another jeep began driving next to their car... Celest clutched the armrest of the door cursing herself for not being able to blow them to debris."  |  While I understand 'them' means the jeep, the way you've set up the sentence makes it so that the 'them' could also mean the armrest. Try reworking this sentence for more clarity!

• "A single mistake can end your life, [...] and take you back from where you fled from."   |  If this single mistake can kill her, what's the point of saying that she'll be taken back? Unless killing her isn't what you meant by 'end your life'?

• "...won't be able to stop him from killing him."  |  The use of two 'hims' in a row can be quite confusing. Perhaps try "won't be able to stop him from killing your lover or your families"?

Plot Holes
Celest's teleportation spell seemed impressively easy to pull off. There weren't any consequences to using it (such as post-tiredness, confusion, stress or strain), and the pain she felt only lasted a couple of seconds. So at this point, readers may begin to wonder why using this spell wasn't the plan in the first place.