Crack Sandiego

World History Class

"Rome began with dumb rulers who really didn't care about it at all and blah blah blah.." Player heard his teacher rambling on about ancient Rome.

Rome.

Some amusement park I think?

Whatever the hell it was, it was boring. Player was sitting at his desk, looking around at the students doing far better things than listening to this lecture.

Some were on their phones, some were sleeping, some weren't even here.

Oh yeah and that one couple was still making out by the lockers. Edward and Bella, I think?

Well whatever. There is no way to escape this class, he had calculated all escape points. All were too risky.

"And so Jeronicus Cheddar then declared himself king of tator tots-"

The teacher was cut short when suddenly there was a huge explosion in the classroom, and from that smoke, emerged a hero.

A man who could not be stopped by anyone.

A man who could make the world bow down to him.

A man who believed in female supremacy.

A man named Chase Devineaux.

He had rode on his majestic steed, also known as, a scrawny unicorn who pooped cupcakes and farted rainbows.

Devineaux himself was wearing a rainbow leotard and had a giant cheetah print fur coat that mostly divorced women wore, and some big red high heels.

He looked hot.

Suddenly out of nowhere, Player's teachers started skipping over to him like a lovesick goof on drugs, babbling how much he loved him

"Oh, Devineaux! You're so hot! Please, take me with you and your majestic steed and let us ride off into the sunset!"

"I'm sorry Jeffery", said Chase. "But i already have a girlfriend!"

"Who?" said the teacher. "Who could possibly steal the heart of the man I love oh so very much before me?!"

"Meet my new girlfriend, Miss Brunt!" said Chase, as his girlfriend hopped off the unicorn.

"Oh, hello there", she said, batting her eyes. Player recognized her instantly. It was Coach Brunt, the person who almost killed Carmen twice.

Though she certainly didn't LOOK like Coach Brunt.

She was wearing a bright pink poofy dress with a small white parasol. She had bright red lipstick on, along with blue eyeshadow and false eyelashes.

Holy crap she looked weird.

She leaned in towards Devineaux and placed a big smooch on his cheek, leaving a big lipstick mark. Player internally gagged at the sight.

Devineaux then marched over to where Player was sitting, and pointed directly at him.

"I have come to save this poor, helpless child from being taught about Rome." he shouted to all of the class.

The rest of the class was still sitting there, slack jawed as they watched the strange man pick up Player, and sit him down on the unicorn.

"WE ARE GOING TO GET FROZEN YOGURT AND ROB THE BAGUETTE STORE!"

Player was still dumbfounded. Chase Devineaux, one of ACME's agents, was taking him for a joyride on his weird unicorn with his girlfriend.

All his thoughts collapsed when the ceiling broke. Yes, the ceiling broke, allowing a young woman wearing a red trench coat and fedora, to enter the building.

"Uh, you know you could have just used the door right?" said one of Player's classmates.

"I know, but it would have been less fun", Carmen replied.

She then cleared her throat. "Anyway, PLAYER!" she shouted. "I AM HERE TO RESCUE YOU FROM LEARNING ABOUT ROME!"

She picked up Player with an insane amount of arm strength, holding him above her head. Chase scowled, and march dover to Carmen.

"Hey", he shouted. "I had him first! We were gonna steal baguettes together!"

"Well you need to cancel your plans now Devineaux, because the boy is mine!"

"Never!"

They then started fighting each other, throwing punches and kicking each other, all while Player was wondering what God he angered.

"I want him!"

"No I do!"

"No I do!!"

"No I-!"

"STOP", their bickering was cut off when Player screamed, silencing everyone, as all eyes turned to him.

"I'M DONE! I'M GOING HOME!" he screamed whilst grabbing his backpack and stroming out the door.

He stormed down the halls with a scowl on his face, ignoring Edward and Bella as they were still making out by the lockers.

He exited the building and continued down his path all the way to his house where his mother saw him.

"Sweetie", she started. "Why are you home so early?"

Player let out a breath as he answered. "Nothing mom. Just, remind me to drop out of world history."

He said nothing else as he walked up to his room. He looked out the window to see Devineaux flying his unicorn, who was pooping cupcakes out and vomiting rainbows everywhere, while Carmen was destroying the place with her laser guns and the policed did the electric boogaloo then they were supposed to be stopping this.

Maybe it's time to drop out of school in general.