behind the streams | dnf

twenty three | playlist

DREAM

"Can you stay with me tonight?"

The words leave my mouth in what I feel to be one of my weakest moments, but with the slip of my tongue there burns an assertive edge I'm not sure whether or not he can pick up.

Traitors. Saviours. An impulse from sources I can't even comprehend.

I'm half on the top step of the staircase while he stands on the second floor entirely, and it's strange to see him taller than me. It makes me feel like I'm begging him, groveling at his feet, and even though the line to distinguish the two is blurry, I still step up the last stair so the height difference is normal again.

The moonshine solely highlights the left side of his face, but I can see the shock contort all his features. His eyebrows jump up in the slighest, his lips part. There's an tenative pause before he answers in which I can feel my heart pounding and I force it down because there's nothing wrong with this, there's nothing wrong with this.

"You mean... in your room?"

"Yes."

I steel myself.  "It's nothing... weird. Think of it as one of our calls, you know." His eyes are still fixated on me and I force myself to meet his gaze before he looks away, back at his room.

"Do I need to bring anything?"

I blink several times in surprise. Even though I barely even considered that he wouldn't agree, I'm still taken back by his cooperation.

Pricks of guilt crawl along my skin. I just expected him to listen, didn't I?

I don't know what I would've done if he didn't.

Stay alone in my room, deafened by the silence? It's only gotten louder and louder every night. And Sam's not an option anymore.

Something in me twists in disgust. I inwardly retch from thinking like that.

She's not an option. Neither is George. They're so much more even though it appears I only need them as a distraction.

I just wanted to talk to you.

My previous mouth-vomit throws itself in my face again.

Squeeze my eyes together to clear it.

"Um. Um, no. I have a bunch of extra blankets, and there's... enough room on my bed." I wince at my words in the form of a wry grin.

I open my eyes. He's not smiling at all and quickly my expression falters.

"Okay."He looks back at his room. "I'll, uh, wash up first."

I press my lips together and nod. Briskly he turns around and disappears, closing the door quietly behind him.

My gaze drops as I quietly drift through the hallway to my room at the end. Patches slinks behind me and she brushes past my feet as I open the door, padding over to her regular spot in the corner.

I bite my lip as I slump on the edge of my bed, lights off and staring into absolute darkness, save the crack of faint moonlight that slips through the doorframe. Accept the nag in my stomach.

He sounded tense. Despite his relatively easy agreement.

I can't tell if he genuinely is open to it or felt pressured to comply.

My jaw hardens.

I don't want him to feel like he owes me it. But at the same time, I don't think I could have handled a no.