The John Hughes Club

Chapter Twenty Five

The weeks have rolled into the beginning of Summer. I love the changing of seasons. I love all the possibilities that come with them. As the sky becomes bluer and the flowers vibrantly bloom, I feel like everything within my life is brightly blooming as well. Life feels settled—school is going well, revision is coming along nicely, I'm happily still seeing dad every other weekend and happily catching up with Ash, Maisy and Senna at the same time, mum and I are still in a good place, while Chas and I are in a really good place—yeah, life in the month of June is feeling rather great. I, feel great. In over five weeks, I've not had a single bad dream about Anais. I've even been drawing pictures of her in my sketchbook, pictures of her smiling and being the adorable little sister she cheekily used to be. It's cathartic to draw her. It's like I'm bringing her alive through my art. In my waking moments, she's there for me to see; giggling while playing with her toys. Chas thinks they're beautiful drawings, but as my boyfriend, he is wonderfully biased. Just as I love to admire his poems and his thoughts about films, music and life, he loves admiring my artwork. I think our creativity is yet another thing that's deepening our relationship. It's another side of us, strengthening our young partnership. That's how it feels being with Chas, we're a team. Together, we're a cute collaboration. Day by day, I'm falling more and more for this incredible boy. Falling more and more for everything about him. We talk about everything. We laugh about everything. I still might be the quirky goth girl at Archleigh, but I'm Chas Summers' quirky goth girl at Archleigh. To me, that makes me the happiest I've ever been. We don't often have classes together, but when we do, I sometimes have moments where I know I'm in a class full of other kids, yet one little smile from him can make me feel like I am stranded alone on an island with only my feelings for him as company. Yeah, that smile of his really is something else. It's a smile which puts all of my future sunrises and sunsets into his eyes. When I look into them, fully and deeply, that's what I see. Maybe that is what's scaring my mum? Maybe she sees that, too? She never says anything directly to me, but I know she's still not fully on board about my being with Chas. The words aren't actually coming from out of her mouth, but I know those words are deep within her throat, biding their motherly time.
I get it, she thinks I'm too young.
She thinks we're both too young.

Dad has said it himself to me, his exact fatherly words were 'it's rare for teenage sweethearts to stay together after they've left school'. However, he's since met Chas, he knows what a positive influence he's having on me, which is why he's now saying that he simply wants me to enjoy those flourishing first feelings of teenage devotion, because in years to come, they'll be something to fondly look back on. From what Chas has told me, his dad is thinking much like my mum—thinking we're too young to be so involved with one another. All the adults around us are expecting us not to last, but our teenage souls are just wanting to prove them wrong. I know my life will change once we leave school, but it's a life I still see Chas being a part of. In the time we've been together, I want that togetherness of ours to continue. I like the thought of becoming a young woman with Chas being a young man by my side. We both like that idea, it's one of the many things we've talked about. No doubt, we'll continue talking about that. You see, we both know that our feelings are real. They might be just the feelings of two teenagers, but that doesn't make them any less real to us. What we have is new and amazing. Sometimes, I wonder whether those real, new and amazing feelings are love. I don't know what love is supposed to feel like. I have nothing to compare it to, but deep down in the chambers of my teenage heart, I think that's what I'm feeling for Chas. If love is never being able to fall sleep without being excited at the mere thought of him before I close my eyes, I have that. If it's forgetting to eat or forgetting to focus because thoughts of him have taken the hunger and the interest away, I have that as well. If it's that nauseous, bubbly sensation that's inside of my stomach almost every single moment of every single day, yup, I also have that. If it's thinking that I'm not thinking about him when I've done nothing but think about him, then yep, I think I could be in love. I mean, I don't just get fluttery little butterflies in my stomach when I'm around Chas; I get a wake of hungry vultures wanting to devour my adolescent desires.