"This is the chance to define who you really are Bell"
The sentence echoed through your head. It floated off into darkness, anxiety, a deep abyss of nothingness. Just like your memories of before... simply nothing. Nonexistent...
And that goddamned name, "Bell" it was simply a fake, devoid of who you really are. Were? Thoughts buzzed through your head. Did I make the right choice was the main question on your mind. All this doubt felt as if it was consuming your figure. Like a harsh ocean wave crashing down. The wave held so much power, so much emotion and determination to doom those who are caught under. But some part of you deep deep down felt bold... powerful even. Bold enough to break through the ripples, some sense of determination filled up to the edge, and flowed over. It felt as if anger was seeping into your veins, as if pumping into you like a drug, it felt so addictive almost as if it would never fade.
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Ashes to Ashes
"Bell", MI6
Duga-2 Radar Array, Khabarovsk Krai, USSR
March 15, 1981
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The tires of the truck squealed as they skidded to an abrupt stop. The faint scent of burnt rubber wafted through the open window of the truck and embraced the surrounding air. The rumbling of the car engine dissipated as the vehicle parked lazily, and once again anxiety plagued your mind like a curse begging to be broken.
You were broken out of your thoughts when Adler began speaking to you, "You sure you're not forgetting something Bell?" his words were laced with a hint of suspicion yet his expression did nothing to help you gage his emotion. "Those damned sunglasses," you thought, silently cursing them. They served almost as a trademark to his mystique, you knew whatever jumble of emotions he was felt right now was being covered up by them, like a shield protecting his thoughts from the view of the world.
Silently you avoided the question and looked away from Adler. His presence seemed so much more intimidating, now more than ever. It had never felt like this before... but then again you didn't know about... well everything. Even just looking towards him pained you, it sent a wave of guilt flooding through your body but as soon as you felt the surface of your gun beneath the grip of your hand the guilt seemed to disappear. Although not fully, it felt as if it was dragged down and replaced with the heat of anger.
With one last side glance to Adler you hopped out of the car. The winter chill bit through and pierced your very skin. Almost numbing, yet you thought perhaps it is best not to feel. Best to even forgive... no! You knew that wasn't right, what they've done to you doesn't deserve forgiveness. It was a situation that would never end in forgive and forget... yet a twinge of remorse persisted underneath the raging blaze of anger. What if this wasn't the right answer, what if you could make amends. Of course deep down you knew that option was far from reasonable, there is no way they could forgive you after what's about to go down. Yet the sensation of betrayal loomed over and weighed down on your shoulders.
You found yourself wondering; "Who had known the truth?" The though of the whole team knowing had crossed your mind, but certain inconsistencies told you otherwise. Mentally you made a list of assumptions; without a doubt Adler, Lazar, Sims, Hudson, and probably at one point before her eventually death Park had known all along... this list didn't leave you with much comfort, only Mason and Woods remained. It would explain the way they acted towards you, just as if you were one of their own. But now that idea was thrown torn to shreds and thrown away.
