What She Needs

3: I'm Okay

I'm Okay- Christina Aguilera
Please remember this is fiction and I don't promote these behaviours at all. Please reach out for help!

Addisons POV

The on call room is extremely stuffy. The stale  air is brought to my attention with the rapid rate at which we are all breathing. Dr Grey contributing to the uptake of oxygen most.

"Oh... Meredith. Honey, no! I'm so so sorry you felt like you had to do this!"
Arizona is speaking much more coherently than I felt able to.

"I'm sorry to let you down, Dr Robbins." A heart  wrenching admission.

"Honey, no! You haven't let me down. You haven't let anyone down, right Addison?"
I weakly nod and smile.

"That's right. So i'm just going to suture you up so you're a bit more comfortable then we'll talk about what happens next."

As Arizona begins to unpack her supplies I feel Meredith finally relax against my chest, the fight leaving her body as her secret is out in the open. She raises her head to my ear briefly.

"Addie?"

"Hmmm"

"I really don't like needles."

Of all the things she could be scared of as a doctor. Ironic really. I'll point that out to her when she's feeling better.

"That's okay. You can squeeze my hand really tight."

The mousy blonde began to explain.

"My mom. She held me down when I had to get shots as a kid. And then when I needed my eye brow stitched when I was 15... she made the resident hold my shoulders and legs down before going off to a surgery."

Ellis. Fucking. Grey.

"I won't hold you down Meredith. Neither will Arizona. Will you?"

"Of course not honey! Just try and stay as still as possible. I don't want to scratch you with the needle."

Arizona prepared the vial of anaesthetic, reaching out for Merediths left arm first of all. Looking closely at the right one, it seems none were deep enough to need stitches thankfully. Two numb arms would be an inconvenience. 
I held Meredith's head close, never losing eye contact, but knowing Arizona had begun to stitch when she flinched.

"Honey, you need to stay still." Arizona warned.

"I don't want to look... but can you just tell me what you're doing so I'm not surprised?"

"Of course Grey. I'm just cleaning the wounds with an alcohol swab. It might sting a bit."

Meredith was motionless. Her inner numbness contributing to an outer coldness.

"Okay. This is the anaesthetic going in. Deep breath for me. Alright. You won't feel a thing in a moment."

A short whimper left her lips but she stilled as the first stitch came. I don't think she'll need more than a few stitches in the cuts. That doesn't give me much time to think what to say next.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts.

"Addison, can you hold this gauze to the cut? The scab has come away slightly. We've got a little bleeder."

I release the girl in my arms but she resists, finally relaxing in my embrace.

"Shhh sweetheart. I'm still here."

After about 5 more minutes of stitching and blotting little drops of blood, Dr Grey is suitably stitched and bandaged.

"Meredith, these bandages need to be changed daily. For the first couple days I'd like you to come and see me, and I'll change the dressings for you. After they've healed more you can do it yourself, or Dr Montgomery can do it for you. Now they can't get wet either. You'll need a plastic bag for showers, or have someone help you in the bath. The stitches will come out in 14 days."

"I'm a doctor. I know."
The bite in her voice is back, which I'm sure is caused by embarrassment.

"Meredith, she's only trying to help." I warn.

"Well don't. I don't need your help. Thanks for the stitches. I can sort myself out now."