letters to nobody

letter to n.

It was always us two, wasn't it? The moment you took my hand I knew I would follow wherever you led me, with no hesitation. 

 We used to race each other to the park, remember? It wasn't much of a race, you always took my hand and we ran together. When we reached the park we would throw ourselves on the grass, roll around laughing, and you'd take my face in your hands and tell me how strong I am, how I won the race again and again and again. I used to laugh and call you silly, you'd just smile and poke my dimple. It made me feel warm inside, but I never questioned it. Because we've always been like that, you and me. All the stories that we've told under that willow, all the tickle fights, all the flower crowns we used to hang on the branches so the tree will feel pretty too, they mean everything to me. I thought we shared that, just like we used to share every fruit we managed to steal from my nana's garden, or every piece of clothing we owned. The sweater we knitted together is still in the tree house, you never gave it back. You can keep it, it looks better on you anyway. I do miss it sometimes. 

 Most of the times it slips from my memory, but I remembered it was your birthday today. It snowed today, the first snow. Its as cold as ever, and I'm not any better. I barely feel it anymore. I don't know where you are, but I hope you're well. You promised me you would be.

 Of course I knew you would outrun me at some point, you were always meant to reach the stars. I guess I just refused to believe it when you did. I took a lot of things for granted, but I never thought you were one of them. I was so sure you would never leave me behind. Im sorry you had to lie to me for so long. Im not strong. I lost all of those races, and now I've lost you too.

 Im sorry. Take them to the moon for me.

 - D