this side of paradise l.s.

chapter vii.

thank you for the lovely messages telling me to put my health first. im not going to do that but i will ignore your advice respectfully.

anyway, updates are gonna be pretty slow because my second semester just started and i refuse to fail college.

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"and we're just having sex, no, I would never call it love
but love

oh no, i think i'm catching feelings"
- sex (catching feelings), EDEN

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Harry had a theory. When you’re born, the universe chooses one special person to put in your life. You could either let them change you, or let them break your heart. Although, he supposed, destruction was just a different form of change, and change was often inevitable. Louis Tomlinson was inevitable. He was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of person, and Harry was honored that the universe had decided to put him in his life. 

Even if Louis sometimes made him sad. No one said change was supposed to make you happy. 

Harry tried to get over him. He tried dating other people, searching for a recreation of whatever feelings he had with Louis. Harry tried spending less time with him, hoping that absence made his feelings disappear. None of it mattered in the end. It was another theory of his: no one could ever get over Louis Tomlinson. 

So Harry was stuck in this weird limbo; where his feelings for Louis were suspended in time, too precious to get rid of, but unable to grow into something more. Because Louis didn’t like Harry the way Harry liked Louis, and Louis didn’t want Harry as anything more than a best mate that he occasionally slept with. Which was . . .fine. Totally fine. So whenever Louis pulled Harry close and kissed him with the gentleness of a lover, he didn’t allow himself to hope for more. He’d take whatever he could get, because he’d rather have parts of Louis than none at all. 

Or maybe Harry was just an idiot. An idiot that cared too much about the wrong person. 

But that wasn’t the point. Harry was finally living his dream life, he didn’t have time to worry about his sad excuse of a romantic life. Not when he was finally achieving something. Not when being a singer wasn’t just a farfetched dream from a starry-eyed boy who had been taught to reach for the stars. He had the entire galaxy in his hands and he fell in love with it. 

Their tour for Up All Night started in England and Harry was wracked with nerves as they first stood on the small stage. Despite their tiring rehearsals, he was still afraid of fucking up. But after the first couple of shows, being on stage began to feel like second nature. He loved pouring his heart into the songs as the other boys pranced along the stage, feeding off of the crowd’s exhilarating energy. He loved talking with them, sharing brilliant knock-knock jokes that made the fans and their tired parents chuckle, even if the other boys dramatically covered their ears every time. It was hard being the funniest member of the band. 

Adrenaline coursed through his veins after every show, and maybe it was from the energy of the fans, or maybe it was from Louis. Because Harry was locked under the older boy's spell and he didn't mind much. Louis' lips were poisoned every time he pulled Harry away from the others for a quick snog before their performances, and Harry died every night in bliss, pink-cheeked and dazed. And if he did particularly well that night, Louis would reward him with more snogging in their hotel rooms or in the back corners of the tour bus. Harry had never cared about this sort of thing before, but fuck, Louis was an amazing kisser.

He was fucked, both literally and figuratively.  

Harry fiddled with his earbuds while avoiding Niall's disappointed eyes. They were currently in Dublin for their first show in Ireland, and Niall was adamant that they go out later that night for drinks although they had a show the next day in Belfast. It was their last show until April, where they would be doing an Australian leg of the tour, and Harry couldn’t wait. He loved performing every night, but he also missed relaxing in his bed. Or in Louis’ bed. Ever since they started this . . . thing between them, any physical boundaries were shattered. It wasn’t weird for them to end up in the same bed after a long day, cuddling together while watching a new series on Netflix off of Louis’ laptop. Sometimes they snogged, sometimes they didn’t. But they always ended up waking tangled together. It was kind of like back in X-Factor, but something felt different this time.