this side of paradise l.s.

chapter viis

(that means 7.5 in roman numerals)

here have a bonus chapter about ot5 being idiots while i cry over type II errors in statistics

(i realized belatedly that i based zayn off of myself and the way i used to imagine following this one girl home because she had pretty hair when i was 14/15. i wasn't even in the closet, i was straight up in narnia)

²⁸ ⃤

"bromance
nothing really gay about it
not that there's anything wrong
with being gay

bromance
shouldn't be ashamed or hide it
i love you
in the most heterosexual way"
- Bromance, Ryan Higa ft. Chester See

²⁸ ⃤

Niall had, at this point, already accepted the fact that he was the only straight member of One Direction. He wore the title with begrudging dignity, although a part of him was a bit apprehensive. They never actually had a conversation about the lack of heterosexuality in the band, no matter how much Niall wanted to. But it was an almost unspoken rule that you didn’t mention it, and Niall wondered how they were supposed to be marketed towards teenage girls when half of them didn’t even like girls. It was ridiculous how obvious they were, and yet Simon Cowell and the rest of Modest Management didn’t seem to notice. Or maybe they did notice and just didn't care. Which was fine, he supposed. Not much could be done about it. 

They were definitely going in one direction and it wasn’t straight. 

Niall didn’t want to think too much about it because it wasn’t any of his business who his mates fancied. Zayn staring intensely at an oblivious Liam while he drank water? Not his problem. Louis and Harry cuddling on a cramped bunk on the tour bus despite having their own beds to sleep on? Who cared? It didn’t bother Niall much until he somehow found himself in the middle of Louis and Harry’s disastrous “friends-with-benefits” agreement. He loved the both of them to pieces but dear God were they idiots. Niall sighed in resignation, acknowledging the fact that he would have to steer the ship back to course since they didn’t seem inclined to. Call him Captain Niall, if you must. 

With the way their relationship was heading, there were only two ways this could end: in heartbreak, or with them spontaneously eloping somewhere near the coast of Brazil without telling anyone. Niall already had his Best Man speech written. Call him what you wanted but unprepared wasn't one of them.

How exactly they got to this point was beyond him. It was no surprise to find out that Harry was absolutely smitten with Louis, he was literally the president of the official Louis Tomlinson Fanclub on Twitter (Niall was sure he founded the fanclub, but he couldn’t ask Harry that because then he’ll find out that Niall was part of it as well). He had been wrapped around Louis’ fingers since X-Factor, and time only made him more whipped. It was as adorable as it was nauseating. Niall was tired of Harry calling him at 3 A.M. just to gush over the way Louis lightly snored, which was why he blocked Harry’s number after the fourth time. He felt bad about it until Harry started pestering Liam instead. Afterwards, he was just vaguely amused. 

Louis wasn’t much better, he was just a bigger idiot. Niall didn’t know how many more times Louis was going to use the “we wore socks so it wasn’t gay” excuse before he found out that sleeping with men wasn’t exactly straight. That was another unspoken rule that Niall was surprised everyone hadn’t already figured out. It seemed that everyone knew Louis was gay except for Louis himself, for some strange reason. Niall didn’t know how that worked, and he wasn’t too keen on delving into the complicated mess of Louis’ sexuality crisis.