Cartman oneshotzzz

For What It's Worth

It feels like the longest week of my life. I am friendless... jobless........

Hopeless.

Nothing feels right and nothing has felt right for an almost comically large period of time. I have never felt so alone in my sad excuse of an existence.

Sometimes life goes through too many of the same motions and you feel like your encased in a loop. A boring, emotionless loop. The kind where the only thing you can do is think about something you lost a while back..... Sometimes I feel like I'm in a movie. Like life is just this sick game where I have to keep playing as the main character. Or maybe the villain. And then I remember how stupid that sounds and I move on with my life.

I sit in my lonesome apartment, something that still doesn't feel like home, but is close enough. My mind keeps wandering back to 6 months ago, where I felt happiness and the world didn't feel as stagnant. I didn't have a care in the world.

I had a job.

I had a life.

I had him.....

We were so young when we met and he introduced me to his friends. Soon his friends became my friends and then one of our friends, the jittery one, offered me a full time job at a coffee shop in town. Everything was different, perfect even. And when he went away, so did everything else it seemed. But I like to think about the happy moments from that short-but-sweet period of time.

I used to wear his boxers around his house because they were so damn comfortable, but they were too big on me so I had to tie them together with a scrunchy to make them fit.

He would always call me cute and it made me smile.

He would get Neapolitan ice cream from the local shop and end up getting it all over his face like a child. Whenever I commented on it he would kiss me.

Each kiss felt like a different flavor of chocolate, strawberry, or vanilla.

I hate him.

I hate him for making me feel things even to this day. I hate him for each time he beckoned me with those mischievous eyes. I hate him for every kiss, embrace, and pet name we exchanged. I hate him for every physical attribute and charming trait that made me adore him.

And I hate myself for falling for it....

     It's awful being in love with someone who has no intention of loving you back. Sometimes I cuddle my pillows when I lie down in bed, pretending that he is with me. I normally use 3 pillows to hold because that is about his size.

He was always adorably chubby—

There's a knock on the door, a sound I haven't heard in at least 2 week, and I feel too
wrapped up in my thoughts to answer it. It's probably the land lord coming to collect my debt. They knock a few more times and by the third set I find it within myself to see whats on the other side of the door. I brace my mind for another gritty conversation about how I am behind on my monthly payments.

     "Look, I told you last week. I need just bit more time and I'll—" My eyes widen and my breathing comes to a full stop. I didn't expect this...

It was him.

     He looked tired. He looked lost. But even the bags under his eyes gave him an appealing characteristic that I couldn't ignore anymore than I could his glassy eyes or wiry stubble. He looks like a lost puppy, something I'd take into my company in a heart beat.