metro card//MGG

17

hi everyone omg. unrelated but this man literally destroys me without even trying. also my top songs writing this were Ryn Weaver's "Promises" and Silver Sphere's "Ghosts," if any of you are interested. I think they're both pretty fitting. happy reading!

there are no words.

when I realize that Tia can't come in unless I go and unlock the door, I pull the strap of my shirt up and slide off the counter, brushing past Matthew without deigning to look at him. what the fuck am I supposed to do? there's no excuse to cover this up.

just practicing for your kissing scene! yeah, as if.

the tiny bell above the door jingles horrifyingly as I let her in. my hair is a mess and my cheeks are definitely flushed. we probably seem crazed.

"hi, Tia." I say quietly. Matthew is standing at the counter, still. Tia glances between the two of us, dumbstruck, before she speaks.

"I told my sister that I needed to get this done, so I left early." her voice is measured. that's how I know that she's upset; every word out of her mouth feels like she's selected it carefully.

"we, um--" I start to say, but she interrupts.

"you know what-- it's fine. why don't we just shoot on Friday? my evening is open." she changes the subject and I don't miss the way her eyes graze over Matthew, as though trying to understand how he wound up kissing someone like me. as if her expectations have been slammed into a brick wall.

"that's a good idea." he finally speaks up. I can't even turn to him. the tension in the air could be cut with a knife. there's a weighty silence as we try to maneuver around the elephant in the room. 

"I'll close up. my equipment is everywhere." I nod my head to my filming materials over by the rows of records. it sits in a big, abandoned heap. Tia frowns gently to protest, but then Matthew speaks.

"I'll help."

for the first time since being yanked apart, I look him up and down. he's even more disheveled than usual as he stares back at me. the top button of his shirt is undone, revealing a peek of smooth flesh. his lips are pink and just a bit swollen. the result of my feverish behavior. 

"it's okay. I really don't need help." all I want is to be alone right now, honestly. being stuck in another silence with Matthew is inviting way too much into our lives, and my head is honestly still pretty murky.

"are you sure?" he asks. I give him the most non-obvious pleading expression that I can manage. after a moment of waiting intently for me to change my mind, he nods. "let me just grab my stuff."

the sound of Tia's throat clearing breaks my haze again. 

"I'm gonna head home. thanks for cleaning up, O." she says to me. we make uncomfortable eye contact and I can sense that she knows. it would have been obvious to anyone just how deeply that desire went; more than a kiss. honestly, what we shared put their screen kiss to shame. based on the expression she's giving me, she's aware of it.

"sure." 

once the door closes behind her, Matthew walks up to me with his coat. I'm pretending that collecting wires from the floor is an intriguing activity. if there was anywhere I could be right now that wasn't here, I would go. 

"hey." is all he says. really? to be fair, I have no idea what to say, either. what happened between us is something I can't take back. there's no point in acting like it wasn't the crux of something building for a while.

"Matthew, please--"

"I know, I know. I'm leaving," he sighs. "I just wanted to make sure you're alright."