SKYWARD ONESHOTS

I don't know if I should hit you or kiss you right now

SPENSA

I shifted uncomfortably in M-Bot's cockpit, trying to fall asleep.

The day had been a long one, complete with Cobb's yelling and the Admiral's pettiness. But that wasn't what was keeping me awake, nor was it the relative uncomfortableness of sleeping in a cockpit.

It was Jorgen.

Jerkface had been on my mind all scudding day, and I didn't know why. M-Bot had taken to teasing ne about my teenagerisms and human attraction. Normal M-Bot stuff.

"What's wrong with me?" I said quietly, my voice barely a whisper.

"Wrong with me!" Doomslug trilled. I ran her hand down the back of the slug and over the blue frills.

Last night, Jorgen's car had broken down–not by my fault–and I was the only one outside with him. We talked for a while about whatever popped into our heads. It felt so good to let out some of my pent-up frustration out in a non-destructive way.

Somehow the conversation ended up at the DDF's policy for romance among cadets. I noticed him staring at me intently. And I remember the warm feeling of electricity that shot through me as he grasped my hand. I remember his words like my own name.

"Spensa," he said gently. He rarely called me by my actual name. "I- well I'm just going to be blunt. I like you. A lot." I gasped. I watched as he bit his lip waiting for my reaction. I didn't say anything. "Spensa, I don't know why. You're reckless and disobedient, and yet somehow that makes me like you even more, and..."

I don't know what happened. One second he was confessing his feelings to me, and the next his lips were on mine. I didn't know what to do. I had never kissed anyone before, as people were wary of the Coward's Daughter.

So I panicked. I pulled away and I ran. You are the one thing you never wanted to be Spensa. A coward.

I could still see his hurt face in my minds eye. I winced. What have I done?

Did I like Jorgen? As more than just my flightleader?

He was egotistical and prideful, but I suppose that's because he's never had people look at him the way everyone does at me. I was strong-headed and eager to prove myself, and I had reason to do that. He just sat back and watched us and was automatically the leader.

Although, he was good. Really good. Maybe he did deserve the position. And he was kind–some of the time. He tried to offer support, but he's just not used to it. Neither am I, I suppose. He was also smart. Not like Arturo, but still smart. And strong. And tall.

And I loved our arguing, as contradictory as that might sound.

I missed him today. He basically blew me off when I tried to talk to him, and I had embarrassed him in front of the flight enough. I did like him. I enjoyed his company and his annoying rules and his constant hubris.

I liked Jerkface.

JORGEN

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Of course she doesn't like you. All you do is cause her trouble. I kicked myself in the back of the leg.

I had messed up big time. Spensa and I were finally becoming friendly with each other. And I took a step towards us being more, and fell.

I shivered just slightly as I walked through town, and not because I was cold. "What's wrong with me?" I whispered to myself.