find u again

44

lisa's pov

"Hi," I said as soon as Jennie entered the passenger seat of my car. "You look nice."

Jennie gave an amused smile. "You're just saying that."

"No, really."

She wasn't wearing anything extraordinary—just a white t-shirt with a brown blazer and a pair of jeans—but she had always managed to look straight out of a magazine cover. That was one of the many things this universe's Jennie had in common with my Jennie: they didn't even have to try, anything they wore, they would always look good. (And would always make my heart beat as if there was no tomorrow.)

"Lisa?"

I hummed in reply.

"Did you really mean it? When you said you were jealous of Chahee?"

"Oh," I said, my hands tapping the steering wheel repeatedly. "We're having that conversation now, huh?"

"I need to know." Jennie replied. She really was nervous, I could tell. She had the same ticks—she was looking anywhere but me, her hands were clenched tightly together on her lap.

I reached out and grabbed her hands, in hopes that it would calm her down. "There's no need to be nervous, Jen. It's only me."

"I know," she gave a nervous laugh. "I just... really like you."

Hearing it from her own mouth was so much better than I imagined. And it was so... familiar that it made my heart stop the second I realized why.

-

December 2012

We were roommates. It was a bunk bed with my bed above hers. We had known each other for 2 years, had spent each waking moment together.

It was nighttime, and even though we had our own separate beds, she had developed the habit of climbing up to my bed and sleeping soundly next to me every night.

It was winter. We had buried ourselves under the covers, snuggling close to each other, because the heater wasn't working properly and it was just so cold.

I had an arm around her tiny frame, my front pressed against her back, and the smell of her all over me made everything felt at ease.

I was about to drift off to sleep when I heard her whisper those words.

"I really like you, Lisa."

I didn't think much of it.

"More than a friend should."

That was the moment my whole world came crumbling down, because no matter what happens next, I knew I would eventually break her heart.

I knew no matter how much I wanted to tell her that that was exactly how I felt too, I couldn't. It would only break things apart.

I knew that we were only fifteen and we had our whole future ahead of us, and moments like this, with her in my arms—all safe and sound, just the two of us in our small shared room, shielded from the rest of the world—it wouldn't last forever.

So I said nothing. I pretended I didn't hear her and that I was asleep.

It wasn't until I could feel her relax against me and I knew she had gone to sleep that I hugged her so tight, I was afraid she would wake up.

I clutched on to her, as if afraid that she would disappear. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying my best to memorize the way she smelt and the way she felt against me.