I never thought I would want you [SPENCER X READER]

chapter 24

 (btw this song feels like autumn to me sometimes)

the rest of the week was a roller coaster. you were still a complete mess but things had started to improve. you started to hold your meals down and your mood swings were less intense. the nightmares subsided with having spencer laying next to you. they still happened but they were becoming less vivid, you'd wake up in a panicky sweat but there were no longer images plastered on the back of your eyelids. you were also getting used to having spencer there all the time. even though he continued to step out of the room to help your team with a case, he said they didn't need him too much. sometimes you would hear chatter from his speakerphone through the bathroom walls and try to grasp what they were talking about. you missed your team, you realized that both you and spencer hadn't seen them face to face in a while.

"and reid, how's she doing?" you hear morgan ask on the phone. it's muffled but you can still make some things out as you press your ear to the cold wooden door.

"she's- she's definitely getting better. she's been through a lot but i know she'll be ready to come back." spencer lowers his voice some more which is annoying. you practically plaster your body up against the door to try and make out what he's saying. his words make you smile.

"but i don't know if i'm ready for her to go back. i mean, part of me just wants her to never leave. i'm scared something will happen again." you can hear the sadness in his voice as the words quiver. he was truly worried about you and it brought fresh tears to your eyes. you didn't want him to be scared for you, you could handle yourself. maybe you weren't okay now but everything will be.

you couldn't really hear any of the responses after that, he must have taken them off speaker phone and had it pressed to his ear. you knew your team was supporting you from the sidelines and it was really great. they made you feel like family from day one. emily and jj called you when they could but penelope definitely talked to you the most. you could always count on her to give you a ton of things to talk about to keep you from asking about work.

you heard spencer begin to say goodbye and you speed walked back to your couch where he had left you. you blinked back your tears as you heard the bathroom door open.

"how did it go?" you asked him innocently.

"it went well, they're getting close to closing the case. should be over soon." he eyed you suspiciously for a moment as he answered you.

"cool." you nodded your head and began to nibble on your inner cheek.

Spencer continued to watch the tv and you grabbed your phone so you could scroll aimlessly on social media and say the date at the top. it read "october 19", you realized it was almost a week till spencer's birthday. spencer never talked about his birthday, in fact, the only reason you knew is because garcia was looking at all of your zodiac signs. you abruptly got up and walked to your bedroom. your muscles ache slightly from the lack of motion from watching tv all morning. you shut the door behind you and dialed penelope's number.

"hey my lovely! is everything okay?" penelope shrills through the phone joyously but also with a hint of concern.

"hey pen, yeah everything is great actually," you pause. you practically can feel her smile through the phone, "i was actually wondering what we should do for spencer's birthday?" you asked unsure. you try to whisper because usually if you're gone too long spencer will get suspicious and he might ruin the whole thing. plus, he's a profiler and this was going to be really hard.

"it's hard to convince boy genius to celebrate BUT if we totally ambush him, i think we can do it!"

so a surprise party it is, well not party- gathering. you were nervous about this, you've never done something like this for someone. you weren't the type to host something and social gatherings scared you. yeah, you were close with everyone but being at work and hanging out for fun was two different things in your mind. you're good at hiding it but you guess you were technically socially anxious. you truly hated it. you've only been a hundred percent comfortable around a few people, spencer and your brother included.