Turning and walking down the gravel path for a couple of minutes you found his figure, fixating on the sea of yellow before him. It was no wonder you guys picked this place, lemon yellow as far as the eye could see, breaking up into the sky on the horizon level. You could stare at it and not have to focus on anything but one's thoughts.
Taking your place beside him, you mirrored his stance. Knees being caged in by your elbows, face peering ahead. You broke the silence for once,
"So, what you are doing out here Fred?" the noise of his name rolling off of your tongue as delicately as before startled him, and deep down it startled you too. Not tending to usually address him, it was a method of distancing yourself from him. He seemed to mull it over for a while, and when he didn't answer you decided to cut to the chase. "why didn't you tell me you broke up with her?" it was probably a wise choice to not say her name, it was still hard.
"it's not like it would've been easy to fin you," he sighed "you've avoided me for so long." It stung more than it should have, he was right after all. The problem was, he didn't even know why you had, he thought you had gotten over it, or at least he pretended it hadn't happened in the first place.
"Ok fine, you're right," you didn't want to ask but it was out of your mouth before you could swallow the words back down "are you okay?"
He scoffed. "you know what? I am. Well, I'm not great but it's not because of the breakup," his head turned to you, observing you. You kept your gaze forward until he didn't allow that anymore. Gently, so gently, he picked up your chin with his thumb and forefinger and turned your face to his. The breath that was steadily flowing was knocked right out of you.
Flashing red lights were signaling in your head, too intimate, too close. You're going to get hurt again y/n. stop it. But the blaring flags seemed to be suffocated in the tender look in Fred's eyes. A sweet smile was what you were met with; dimples and everything. You didn't deserve this, and he didn't deserve what he was going to get back. Timidly, you smiled back, unwillingly letting your love bleed into it. You could never reign in your emotions with him. He was your weakness, and you hated that about the two of you.
Shocked back into reality you forced your eyes away from his, skull returning to its original place. The warmth from your chin was ebbing away and you couldn't help but miss it. You couldn't trust yourself with him, not anymore.
"you always smile like you're about to cry." He whispered. And he was right, you didn't even realise your eyes were watery. It was like some magnet was pulling out everything you had, just for him to hold. "you only look at me like that." The sadness in his voice broke you. You never meant for him to know, to even be able to see through your façade. But to him it was glass; there was no use.
"you should feel lucky," you laughed bitterly, "I don't let just anyone see me cry." Your poor attempt to brush off the conversation was futile, he tried to speak and continue but you stopped him, "I can't do this," this time turning to him, you needed him to understand "don't make me do this, I'm not ready yet."
Everything hurt, everything ached. Over the past couple of years; he had observed from the side-lines, as the fight in you gradually dissolved into nothing: as if you were losing yourself, and what you kept going for. Unbeknownst to you.
Both knowing it was the end of this chat, you got up and headed home. Falling into place next to each other, as if no time had passed. But in reality, you were miles away from each other, neither of you happy but neither of you knowing how to fix or move on.
As the burrow came into view, you reflected over what had just happened. How could you deal with a summer of this? if you could barely talk together without crying or reminiscing on the times before everything changed? Was it always going to be like this? Would you always miss something you were never going to have?
YOU ARE READING
𝖙𝖔 𝖇𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖗𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖉𝖞 // ғ.ᴡ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ
Romance"you know what the most heartbreaking part of it all is? i had to pick myself up and watch you fall in love with a girl, that i knew could never love you half as much as i wish i didn't." [a y/n x Fred Weasley fic] (is going to be re-edited and up...
