The Commander's Wife

2: Stohess District

In the morning, my eyelids hang heavy over my eyes but I don't allow myself to let them close for even a second. Erwin is in the bathroom, leaning over the sink and in front of a mirror, gently dragging a blade down his jaw. He makes eye contact with me after every stroke, making sure to smile, before going back to his work. Respectable commanders had cleanly shaven faces, after all.

When he's finished, I approach him and cup his face in my hands. I run my fingers along the smooth skin of his face and pull his face closer to mine, standing on the tips of my toes so my lips can reach his cheek. I pull him closer, moving my lips to his jaw, then to his lips. He reacts then, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me into him, and deepening the kiss.

"Come back home to me," I whisper. The desperation and dread of him leaving is starting to settle in and he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. I lean my cheek into his hand as he does this and he smiles.

"Always," he replies and I try to smile back at him but the word is a promise I know he might not be able to keep. It's a beautiful promise, nonetheless. I sigh, turning away for a moment to hide the tears starting to form in my eyes. I hated to see him leave and it never got easier.

"Don't cry, Lydia," he laughs despite my efforts to conceal my tears, "Tell me, what will you do while you wait for me to come back home?" Erwin always asked this question before he left to try to get me to focus on what I was going to do while he was away rather than stay sad about his departure. I take a deep breath before answering.

"Well, I'm going down to the wall to donate to the Wall Maria refugees," I say and Erwin lets out a frustrated sigh.

"Lydia, I've told you, a lot of the money that's supposed to go to the refugees ends up in the pockets of the Military Police. Don't waste your money," he explains the way he's explained a million times before but I just cross my arms.

"I can't just sit at home and do nothing, Erwin. You have your own way of helping humanity, let me have this," I tell him, then sigh, "Besides, I have more money than I know what to do with. As long as at least a little bit of it goes to make sure that the refugees can eat, I won't feel so helpless." Erwin stands for a moment, looking exasperated, but a smile starts to creep up onto his face.

"If that's what you think is best," he says, grabbing me again to kiss me on the cheek but I playfully slap his arm away after his condescending tone. Our moment is interrupted by the sound of knocking on the door.

"Commander Erwin, the carriage is ready!" a Scout calls from outside. I look back to Erwin, my eyes wide, and throw myself into him. I bury my head into his chest, listening to his heartbeat and letting my newly forming tears soak into his shirt. He's always so kind to allow me this, these last moments, stroking the back of my head affectionately before slowly pulling me off. He looks down into my eyes.

"It'll only be a couple of days," he promises and I nod. He starts to head for the door and I finally speak up when his hand rests on the doorknob.

"Erwin," I call and he turns, his blue eyes soft.

"Yes?"

"I love you," I say and he smiles.

"I love you, Lydia," he answers before opening the door and closing it behind him as he leaves. I rush to the window and watch him greet the Scouts who came for him. He steps into the carriage looking every bit of the commander he is, and the carriage door is closed, blocking him from view. I watch as the horse pulls my husband away from me, maybe for the last time. Fatigue starts to overpower me and I walk to our bedroom, splaying out onto the too-empty bed. I feel a flutter in my stomach and my hand shoots up to catch the quick movement of our baby.