The Commander's Wife

7: Scout Regiment Base & Stohess District

[Revised: May 31, 2021]

It's not common for me to wake up before Erwin, but today, whether it be because of my restless sleep or my anticipation to leave, I open my eyes and find that I'm still pressed against him with my head on his chest. His heartbeat is steady and his slow breaths raise his chest in rhythm. I have the urge to look up at his face but I don't want to wake up him, I just imagine what he must look like. His eyes lightly closed, mouth slightly parted open, his face completely relaxed and free of the responsibilities he will carry once he wakes. 

I'm only given less than an hour with him like this until I feel the rhythm of his breathing change and I know he's awake. He lets out a small hum, a gentle sound that vibrates in his chest, but I feel him still himself at the realization that I'm against him. His movement is slow, careful not to wake me, and I smile at his consideration. He must have felt it because I hear him let out a quiet chuckle and his arm wraps around me, resting his hand on my shoulder.

"Ah, so you're awake," he says. Knowing that I can't pretend to be asleep any longer, I push myself up a bit, just enough to look up at him and rest my chin on his chest. He smiles wide, reaching his hand up to run his fingers through my hair, combing small strands into place then ruffling it up again just to repeat the process over and over again. I just watch as he does this, there's no point in forcing conversation in this comfortable silence. After today, when I have to finally go home, I won't know for sure when I'll see him again, so for now I'll just pretend that waking up next to him and being like this is something I do every morning. 

A knock, a sound that has become ingrained in my mind from all the interruptions throughout my time here, disturbs our fragile peace. Erwin sighs, betraying his own sadness at my inevitable departure. I make it easy for him, turning off of him to free him to get up. He smiles, leaning over to kiss me gently on the cheek before reluctantly getting off from the bed. 

Soft sunlight floods in through the thin white curtains, and I can only admire it now as it shines against Erwin's bare skin. His back, turned towards me as he finds his clothes, is perfectly sculpted, muscles showing effortlessly across his skin. Even the way he pulls his shirt through his arms seems effortless, his movement is fluid and gentle.  

Erwin kept it minimal, only wearing his shirt, partly unbuttoned at the top, and the standard pair of pants. He even kept his hair a little unkept, unusual for a Commander.

"Mrs. Smith's carriage is ready," I hear a voice say at the door. 

"Thank you," Erwin answers solemnly. He quickly closes the door and walks into the room, his face betraying what he really feels. His lips sag into a frown and his eyes are soft with sadness. He doesn't truly want me to go, but I must for my own safety and we both know it. 

"How bothersome of them to bother us so early in the morning," he sighs playfully, lying back down beside me in bed. "We don't have to rush. They can wait," he adds softly, caressing my cheek. I smile appreciatively, but I know I can't stay any longer. How much time could I get away with? I could leave tonight but then I would never want to leave.

"Your men have more important things to do than wait around for me," I finally say, a true enough excuse. Erwin narrows his eyes then gets out of bed, sauntering towards my side and standing at the edge. He pulls me towards him and pulls me up, parting my legs so he's standing in between them. As he's too tall for the bed, he leans forward, resting his hands on either side of me, and stares into my eyes. I feel my breath hitch in my throat.

"Nothing is more important than you," he says. I only have time to partly roll my eyes before he wraps his arms around me tightly, pulling me further into him and kissing me deeply. My body reacts naturally, my arms pulled around him like magnetic attraction. His whole body surrounds me and a sigh escapes my mouth from the overwhelming feeling of comfort. Even on our last day, when he's saying goodbye, he makes me feel so safe.