Love, Yejin

January 10, 1997

Dear Diary,

This is a sad day and evening for me... :(

Yes, I'm crying right now. It feels like at any moment, my heart is going to burst... It hurts so much that it feels like my body is going numb. Huhuhu!

Earlier at school, something happened. I don't know why this is happening to me when in fact, I'm not doing anything wrong... Why the world is so cruel to me today? Huhuhu! It's fine for me if something or someone I want can't be mine since we can't have everything in this world, but why this world needs to hurt me in any chance?

Since morning, I already felt uneasy and bothered... I was surprised when I got a perfect score during our class presentation. I thought I didn't deliver the topics very well because I was so nervous. One of the reasons why is Bin was seated in front of me because our teacher changed our seat plans yesterday... Hmmm, I felt uneasy because I really can't believe it, so I was afraid if there's something bad going to happen after that. I don't know why, but I always had that feeling when something good happens, an unpleasant event will be followed.

...And I was never wrong!

After our class, I fell asleep in my armchair because I got tired in the afternoon after our P.E teacher made us jog around the field. When I was sleeping soundly, one of the Spice Girls— Jimyeong was panting while waking me up. I asked her why and what's happening because she really looked in a hurry... Right after I stood up from my chair, she dragged me going to the end hall of the building... When I was able to stop her, I immediately asked her why she's acting like that... Then she said that something bad happened to Bin in the Science laboratory...

The moment I heard his name, I quickly ran towards the lab room. I was so worried that I don't know if I should stop crying first, or continue running... When I got inside, I immediately looked around the room. Out of concern, I even forgot that I was afraid of the big human skeleton that was resting on the big table on my right side.

The next thing I knew, someone locked the door... I was trembling because I remembered the first time I was locked in there. But after a few seconds, I heard someone was crying inside the room... My heart pumps fast again, but I slowly turned around and followed where the crying voice came from. I was shocked when I saw a girl seated on the floor, hugging her knees while sobbing. Her whole uniform and face were full of baking powder and cracked eggs. She was really in a bad state, so right away, I went closer to her and helped her to calm down... I took my pink handkerchief in my pocket and started wiping her face... Uhmmm, I stopped... When I recognize her... She was the girl I saw in the store and the girl who met up with Bin in front of their house on Christmas Eve... She's Bin's girlfriend!!! I gulp hard. I was shocked at what she was doing there... After I took a deep breath, I finally asked her... She tried her best to answer me that the Spice Girls did that to her because their leader— Soyeon, found out that she's Bin's girlfriend...

So... It's confirmed, diary! Huhuhu! My heart sank... I was out of words. I didn't know that it would hurt more hearing it personally from either one of them. Huhuhu!

After a few minutes, we heard someone was trying to unlock the door. Until... I heard a very familiar voice worriedly shouting "Kyo!? Baby!? Song Hyekyo answer me!!!" Ahhhh!!! I didn't know that my tears were already falling down my face, diary... It feels like my chest felt so tight, and the only thing I could do is to hide behind the shelf when Bin finally opened the door and his girlfriend instantly ran towards him sobbing like a baby. I covered my mouth. I don't want him to know that I was there. Huhuhu! I cried silently... Watching them hugging each other so tight with my own wide-opened eyes. I saw him looking at her so worried that it seems like his eyes were going to produce tears... It was the first time I saw him like that. Now I know that he's really in love with that girl and the reason why he really chose her over our friendship.

I stayed there even after Bin carried his girlfriend like a bride going out of the laboratory room. I was left there, crying my heart out... Huhuhuhu! Diary, it really hurts... I kept punching my heart to ease the pain, but it's not helping!!!

Minjung got inside the room looking for me after a few minutes... I was already sober, but was still trying to catch my heavy breaths... Minjung helped me to stand up. She already carried my bag and kept asking what I was doing in that room, and why I cried. I didn't utter a single word to her and I just keep shaking my head. She said that as much as she wanted to walk with me going home, but she still has a part-time job that she needed to attend.

I walked alone going home again with my shattered heart... The memory of Bin's face looking at his girlfriend won't disappear in my mind. I was walking in the street flying like a bird without a direction.

I only came back to my senses when I realized my body physically hurt and my whole uniform is wet... Huhuhuhu! I fell... I fell into the ditch, diary! Huhuhuhuhuhuhu! I really cried so hard! I just came from a heartbreaking scenario, and now I'm going home dirty!!! I'm such a loser!!! Huhuhu!!! Indeed, when it rains, it pours...

Hays! I don't know, Diary... Tomorrow is my birthday, but I don't know if I'd like to celebrate it. I have no energy... I just want to lock myself in my room the whole day!

Love,
Yejin