Love, Yejin

March 5, 1997

Dear Diary,

Hays... It's still three in the afternoon now, and I just got here inside my room... Hmmm, diary, I'm quite sad right now. Huhuhu!

Aside from Bin and I weren't able to go to his halmoni's street food stall yesterday after class, I was sent home early today by our school nurse because I was rushed to the infirmary again earlier in the middle of our class. Huhuhu! I don't know why my headaches are coming back to me again. I don't sleep late at night anymore, and I'm taking meals at the right time... But earlier in class, I almost lost consciousness because my head hurts so much, and I felt so dizzy. And what worse is, Bin didn't know about what happened to me... Huhuhu!

Bin is quite busy today because of their upcoming baseball game next month to be held in Seoul High School. He was excused for the whole class today because their training has started already... I just took a cab earlier going home because I told our school nurse not to inform my parents what happened to me. I don't want them to worry about me. I don't want them to fetch me at school like a kindergarten. Haysss! Though my eomma asked me why I went home too early, I didn't tell her that I'm having headaches again. Do you think I'm sick, diary? Huhuhuhu! I hope not... Huhuhuhu! I don't know what to do if there's really something wrong with my health. Huhuhu! Why I'm having this kind of headache where in fact, I'm a healthy kid while I was growing up? Hays... I'm starting to worry, diary. Huhuhu! I hope this is not serious, and I'm just having the usual headaches because of school works...

Yesterday, we weren't able to visit Bin's halmoni because we stayed late at school... Our P.E teacher gave us another activity. Our class was divided into four groups for a hip-hop dance evaluation... My god! I don't know how to dance! Bin even laughed at me yesterday when I frowned knowing about the activity we will do. He was teasing me! Hmmmp... How dare he do that to his girlfriend? As if he is also skilled at dancing... Hahaha! Bin may be good and excellent with everything, but except with dancing! Hahahaha! I even remember during our third grade, he cried to his eomma when we got home from school because our teacher at that time wanted him to have a dance solo number for our School Family Day. I was just lucky during that school event because I was tasked to do a short role-play presentation with my other five classmates. Hahaha! But... Hays, what should I do, diary? I don't want to embarrass myself especially in front of my boyfriend... Grrr! I really don't have a talent for dancing... For sure, I will really look like a sly chicken during our dance evaluation... Huhuhu! That would be too embarrassing. Ahhh! Huhuhuhu! I hope Bin will stop teasing me, or else, I will not let him kiss me again! Hahaha! Hmmmp!

Anyway, diary... I hope Bin won't be shocked or worried later once he knows that I was rushed to the infirmary earlier in the middle of our class, and was sent home too early. I don't want him to be distracted with his training... That's the last thing I want to happen. Huhuhu! I don't want to be a bother to him... Knowing Bin as the Ace of their baseball team, he sometimes loses focus especially when he's disturbed or occupied with something else. Huhuhuhu! I hope our classmates won't tell him about what happened to me, diary... But, I'm sure he'll wonder later once he goes back to our classroom, and he won't see me, right? Huhuhu! What should I do, diary?

Hays... Let's not just get worried too much about that. I'll just talk to him later with other kinds of stuff. I'm sure he'll understand. Grrr! I hate this kind of feeling... It only makes my head hurts even more. Huhuhu!

...Oh! By the way, diary! I don't know if Inna already told her cousin, Go Soo, that I already have a boyfriend now. Earlier at school, Inna handed me a letter, and it was from Go Soo... It's been a while since we've seen each other. Ever since Bin and I started dating, I also didn't receive telephone calls from Go Soo anymore. Then suddenly now, he sent me a letter... Hmmm. I didn't open his letter yet. I'm hesitant to open it, diary... Will Bin get angry when he finds out I received Go Soo's letter? Should I inform him first, right? Haysss... I can't help to feel a little guilty because I really know that Go Soo likes me. I already have a boyfriend now, and I shouldn't accept letters from other guys anymore, right?

But... Huhuhu! I also don't want him to feel bad. I treat Go Soo as a friend. He was a good friend to me, and I don't want to hurt his feelings. Especially that he's my friend Inna's cousin... I just hope that Go Soo will find a girl who likes him and will love him someday, too. He's a good guy, and I know he'll find the right girl for him at the right time. Hmmm... Besides, we're still all too young. There are still a lot of things ahead of us, and there are still a lot of people who will come into our lives... But of course, I won't let anyone separate Bin and me. Deep in my heart, I know, and I'm sure he's the only guy I love, and I'll love forever. Bin is the only guy I can imagine being with me in the future. He's the only one I wanted to be my first and last in everything. He's my first love, my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first... Uhhmmm, you know... Hehehe! And I'll make sure he's also going to be my last for those things.

Diary, I won't make this long anymore... I should take a rest right now. I'm planning to visit Bin later after dinner time. Huhuhuhu! I badly want to see him... I miss him so much already! I want to hug him! I want to feel his warm embrace and believe that everything is going to be okay.

Bye, diary! Talk to you again next time...

Love,
Yejin