On My Mind

Life Update

I have kind of been on a real emotional low. I was at church when I realized this. One of the people who were singing that night said that during the day that day, he just felt like he didn't belong. Since he said that, our student pastor decided to postpone the message he had planned for that night. We had a night of prayer and I felt like I didn't belong cause I realized that I felt like I wasn't able to be who I truly was. When he asked for those who want prayer for whatever they were going through to stand up, I stood. 

What amazed me the most was even though I stood up, my gut instinct was to tell everyone that I was fine even though I had stood up. They didn't even try to dig a little deeper. I wasn't fine if I'm being honest and I am still kinda in that same head space. I felt worthless if I didn't put up this facade and I felt worthless even if I did put it up. I have been ignored, looked over, and rejected enough times for being myself, that I wonder if it's even worth trying to find someone, the one, who will love me for me by being myself. 

So, the bottom line of this update is to just get it off of my chest because the easiest way for me to get through something is by talking about it. Though it hurts while I'm talking about it sometimes, I feel better about it by the time I'm done ranting.