She was blinded by his light. All she knew of her existence was him, and only him.
When she needed rescue, when she needed comfort, there he was, so bright against a canvas of blackness he beckoned her like a lighthouse atop a stormy ocean.
That l...
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"Oh, I am very weary, though tears no longer flow; My eyes are tired of weeping, my heart is sick of woe"
-Anne Brontë
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In that heartache, the sun did not shine, birdsong passed as if the melody could not glide through the air as it once did before. The sun didn't shine that day. It was a burning cold day. The skies were overhung with a blanket of grey clouds, they hung above like darkened angels. The breeze had a harsh dampness to it, a soft susurration was carried along the empty streets.
Winter was coming to an end.
It was March 9th. The day he said he was supposed to come back. She was pathetic to think he may walk through the front door like nothing ever happened, like those words he had written for her were a mere joke. A harmful joke. Yet, a joke nonetheless.
She felt ashamed of herself, the way she was thrown away, the way she was abandoned like a beaten dog in a cage while she waited for him to come back to free her. She didn't know whether to feel anger or sadness. How could he not just say all those things to her face? How dare he be so selfish. She gave her heart to him, it was her fault for loving blindly. For loving him more than herself.
He promised not to be like the people in her past. He promised to love and be with her. Why such promises if they could not be kept? He was one of them now. His picture was up on the hall of fame of people who have abandoned her in the past.
She didn't blame him. A part of her understood why he left. No one could bear to be burdened by her. If her own mother could not hold the responsibility of her creation then who would?
She remembered times where she would find him slumped over on his chair from overworking. She felt guilty. He did all the work while she only heard him groan and moan from stress. He paid all the bills, he took care of her. He must've reached his breaking point. His love for her was no longer there. He only saw her as a responsibility, a horse with a broken leg.
But why lead her on, why pamper her and then throw her off into the world with nothing to her name. After everything, he simply just left. Left a blind girl confused and broken. Even if he were to pass by her in the streets she would not know. She would only feel his lingering presence and the scent of his familiar cologne.
When she had forgotten how to live, he was the one who showed her the way. When she felt like the world was falling apart around her, he made her feel as though it wasn't so bad.
But she thought he was different, he had made a strong point of telling her that he was. He was the only thing she looked forward to and now she had nothing. They were supposed to go on a trip together after he came back. She was excited about doing something new for once, she planned everything in her head like a perfect fairytale.
She was still in a period of shock, she had her head in-between her hands, tears fell openly onto the cold floor. She dully listened as small pellets of water spit on the window, and through that curtain of water, the dimmed lights of the city shone below.
Months had passed into what began her descent to madness. She was the only beating heart in the maze of her home and will remain as such till her heart ceased to beat.
Grace didn't know what to do, what would become of her. Every day she sat in the same spot, crying. She couldn't remember the last time she had a bite of food.
It was difficult to let go of the one you love. All those butterflies they gave, still live inside, dormant until one day they will be freed, and even then, the gentle scars that their wings left will remain forever as a reminder of the one you once loved.
More tears poured down her face, she felt their coldness as they froze in cold trails. A silent sob shook her body. Grace had this feeling in her chest where it just felt empty, a barren pitch blackness. She was lost and the only way for her to be found was if she would be in his arms again.
Will she live like this forever? Doomed to only live in distant memories of the forgotten past? She was stuck in limbo, her soul unresting. But deep down she knew the truth, she will never be ready to let go because when he left, he took a piece of her with him. He stole that piece, selfishly.
She wanted to lay down and sleep, at least when she slept she forgot. For a short moment, while she slept, there was no pain. Even though her dreams are now colorless, she found a sense of comfort from them. Often she would sleep wherever she sat, on the sofa, on the chair, on the floor. But not on the bed, no not the bed. She will never sleep on that bed without him.
In his letter, he spoke of love and a new beginning but how will she start a new life in a world without joy. She wished he could have loved her still, that this life hadn't caused him to show such cruelty. There were nicer ways of parting. You can release a person with love and wish them a bon voyage. But he chose to part in abandonment.
He drew her in with a sweetness she'd never found before, something so strong she could feel it even when they were apart. But those times were now only a distant memory. He broke her in ways she had never imagined possible. She swam for the light and he did everything he could to lead her into the abyss. He had betrayed her. He turned her safe haven into hell, her mind into its own prison, he broke her heart, and now she was left to protect the shattered pieces that remained.
