Shards

chapter 4

Chapter 4:

My arm began to tingle and I recognized the sensation of the liquid seeping through my veins. Ripping the tube from my arm, I spun to face the other occupants of my room. They'd snuck in while I'd been busy pounding the nurse's body to a bloody pulp. I definitely wasn't going to let them put me to sleep again.

I was half blinded by adrenaline and tears, but I noticed as someone tried to pull Rae's mangled body away from me. Half supporting myself on the bed, I began to fight. Using my free hand and my cast as a weapon, it was amazing how much damage I could do. There were more and more of them arriving and I knew that I wouldn't win, I just had to let this out. Someone had to pay. An eye for an eye, fair is fair.

Swinging my leg like a window wiper, a well placed punch to the jaw; they both brought them down so easily. Somehow, I'd managed to balance on one foot while I placed a hand on either side of a man's head.

“Jane, stop! Don't break his neck! I know you'd regret it. Fight it! Contain it! Hurting these people will do nothing!”

Doctor Jamison's words hit me hard. What was I doing? I couldn't even remember why I was doing it, one more thing I could add to the pile of missing memories. Maybe I didn't want to remember my past after all. I let go of the man and let my body go limp. My falling form was slammed backwards onto the bed, as I was tackled. How was I supposed to explain this one?

Maybe it was the head wound, or maybe it was the small amount of drug that had made its way into my system; maybe a combination of the two. Whatever the reason, I felt myself floating back into my mind. As I reached out, searching for memories, the pain of being held against a bed began to subside until I felt nothing at all.

All I had to do was keep my eyes closed. It was amazing that there were so few of us that had learned to trick the system. Really just Ian and I, as far as I knew. Every vein and muscle in my body was screaming for me to do something other than just sit here, I ignored them. Having no idea what kind of drugs were running through my system was a scary feeling. However, contrary to popular belief, I loved the initiation rooms.

Well, no, love wouldn't exactly be the right word. I found calm in deflecting it. This was one of my personality flaws, one of my dirty little fantasies. Sometimes all I wanted to do was sit still and let everything run over me. I wished I could ignore the world and just go with the flow. That was impossible however, for my mind would never allow it. It was easier for me, than other people. I could shut it out, and instead of of floating in the forced dreams I could float in my own.

I'd done it by accident the first time, but as they upped the doses—realizing that something was off—I'd had to practice letting go of reality. Of course, I couldn't fight off the actual Procedure. I hadn't had to do that the first time. This was only the second time I'd experienced it.

I'd just noticed that the pictures had stopped flashing, when the door swung open. The light burned me, through my eye lids. Quickly, as not to arouse more suspicion, I uncrossed my legs and crumpled to the floor. I had to pretend to be limp. I should be limp.

“Come on, get up.”

A foot prodded into my back. I made a small sound, but didn't move. They were just testing me.

“Do you want us to leave you in here for another go?”

They used the same lines every time. When I was eight it had caused me to get to my feet. Even then, I'd been smart enough to know not to talk. That original theory had proved to be the code I lived my life by. Ian hadn't even needed to tell me.