Growing up

Nine

He thought he had already moved on from this.

He thought he already accepted his fate.

He thought he already understood the fact that he is not really a part of the family, but rather accepted to be.

But why does it still hurt, why does it still throb his heart everytime he thought about this?

As if he was still 11 and not a young man turning 16, he hid himself in the darkest corner of his room, and sobbed.

It was early in the morning, but he had the windows shut and the blinds put down. The door was obviously, locked.

It reminded him of his past. The past when he will also hide himself in the corner, sob to himself, not knowing what to do.

Maybe this is how it feels to feel lost.

The rest of his family are knocking on the door, shouting his name, one after another.

But Brett didn't care. In fact, he wished everyone was not there, so that he can have space to himself.

God must have heard his prays, because a voice came and stopped everyone.

It was quiet for a while.

A soft knock is heard on his door. Soft, but yet careful.

"Brett? You ok?"

Brett didn't respond.

"Mom and dad went to the station to fetch Belle."

What happened next was not expected by Eddy. Because almost immediately after his sentence, the door swung open and Brett had his arms around Eddy's neck.

Still, his crying did not stop.

Immediately Eddy felt heartbroken. That same heartbroken feeling he had when he spot Brett crying in the corner backstage, vulnerable, five years back.

"Sorry for not being a good brother."

Brett looked up.

"Why? You've treated me well. And the whole family."

Eddy walked the both of them to Brett's bed and sat down.

"If I were a good brother, I wouldn't have made you excluded."

"But you didn't make me feel excluded. It's mom who..." Brett halted halfway, realising what he is saying sounds a bit weird.

"I triggered mom to say it."

"But if you didn't, you'll become doctor."

"Well, now that I've triggered her, I made you feel bad, I made mom feel bad and I made myself feel bad. In addition to the fact that this doesn't mean I will be allowed to be musician. Great."

This made Brett smile. 

The room was quiet again for a while.

"Eddy?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever asked mom why you must be doctor?"

"She said doctors earn more money."

"And why can't you be a musician?"

"Musicians don't earn money?"

"Can't you see the connection here?"

Eddy halted in his words. And all of a sudden, everything clicked.

Why didn't he notice it earlier?

It would've saved him from so many arguments with his mom.

"Oh my god..." Eddy facepalmed himself and dragged his hand down his face.