you sometimes wondered how many sleepless nights with weston you had, where you would just talk together and laugh. you never got bored of the stupid stories he would tell and the way he would repeat them and still laugh as hard as he did the first time. for months you had felt safe with him, his voice bringing you comfort in any situation. but something was different. with over 7 months of knowing him you never would have thought that the way he played with his hoodie when he was concentrating and the way he got so fixated and happy whilst talking about stupid things he loved would make you feel the way you did. feeling like this towards him felt idiotic, denying your feelings over a boy for this long was tiring. you hated the way he made you feel but you never got tired of it. but today. of all days. the longing for his touch that you had craved for so long, and you got it. you finally got it. it felt like finally getting to sleep after a day of being exhausted but it also felt like an itch you couldn't get rid of. and now this itch is here you know its not going to go away even if you try and get rid of it.
overthinking was a big part of how you worked, slight things making you worry and needing constant reassurance from people was draining. but here you were laid on kalynn and weston's sofa, biting the inside of your cheek, tears brimming as you thought of every outcome of what had happened during the day. the rest of the night before they both got tired was good. you loved spending time with them. the occasional glances and stares from weston brought back the spinning feeling in your stomach every time. weston had offered for you to stay in his room that night but you denied his offer, not because you didn't want to be with him. definitely not that. but you didn't want your worst nightmare to come true, you didn't want the feelings so far back in your mind to become vulnerable and scare him away.
it took a lot of persuading but he finally ended up being okay with you sleeping on the sofa. well, after the 3 blankets and 5 pillows and the 4 more times he asked 'please are you sure' in response to the situation. he stayed with you for a while after kalynn had gone, you talked for a while, you loved it. he talked to you about ideas for new videos that he had, whilst he was talking you were becoming more familiar with the way his eyes brightened and his hand gestures becoming more apparent whilst he talked to you and the feeling of guilt and happiness took over you once again.
3:02 am. it had been 45 minutes of you struggling to get to sleep. you hated it. you really did hate this feeling. 'why do i let myself feel like this.' you had repeated this to yourself multiple times in hope that you would feel okay. but the frustration was unbearable, 45 minutes of tears in eyes and heart beats you could hear in your head. you felt yourself beginning to break. with your head in your hands the first tear fell, the warmth trailed down your cheek and you sighed knowing they were not going to stop. more and more began falling down and you covered your mouth trying not to make a sound. without warning you heard a door open, wiping the tears off of your face you sniffed trying to hide any evidence of what had been happening moments before.
'hey, hey are you okay?' there you heard it. his voice. the only thing that remotely made your brain stop shouting and your heart stop racing. weston. you tried to talk but no words came out. then it happened, the one thing you had tried to avoid for so long. you're feelings. the tears wouldn't stop, you didn't want to talk you just needed him.
'weston i'm sorry i didn't mean for you to see me like this,' you blurted out suddenly 'i'm sorry i really am'
'listen, don't apologize just come here,'
you shuffled towards him not saying a word. you didn't really say much else for a while. sat in silence you cried in his arms. from time to time you felt him hold you tighter and the warmth of his chest making the tears stop. the comfort of his heartbeat making you sleepier by the second and the feeling of his arms around you felt more comforting than any bed you had ever been in.
12 minutes was all it took for you to fall asleep. and all it took was him.
