The Museum Of Secret History

Beauty Standards: A Murder Mystery

It's a lovely day in the Ancient Roman Empire, and someone has been murdered.

Now, murders are not the most uncommon thing in the Roman Empire, especially not after the days of the Republic ended. To be an Ancient Roman means that you are constantly at risk of being killed by a disease, a barbarian, a volcano, or a murderer.

What is unlikely, though, is that the deceased person is not only a young and of astonishing beauty, but also the emperor's very own love affair.

But I guess I am rushing things - let us start at the beginning.

In 117, Trajan, the thirteenth emperor of the Romans dies of a stroke. He is in Selinus, located in what will later be Turkey, and far away from Rome. And Rome now has a problem: Trajan has no heir.
A logical consequence of never showing interest in his wife and having affairs with the male servants, of course, but in regard to the stability of the state, this could lead to terrific problems.

Good that Trajan's predecessor with the same problem had already found a solution: An emperor can adopt his favoured successor as his son and thereby declare him the rightful heir. Now each emperor can pick the one person he thinks is most fit for taking over the reign.

And only a short time after Trajan has died, a new candidate shows up on Rome's doorstep: it is Hadrian, the former emperor's grand-nephew. He had helped Trajan through multiple wars, was promoted intensely by the emperor and even married another member of the royal family - the ten years younger Vibia Sabina. At the day of the marriage, he was twenty-four and she, poor girl, fourteen.

And Trajan has adopted him.

At least, Hadrian claims that. In fact, no document exists that says that Trajan ever formally adopted him. He was seriously ill around the time of his death, and even though some of his advisors had suggested Hadrian as a successor, Trajan never said "Yes, I want to adopt him" - he was too busy dying.

His last will was filled out by his wife - another avid supporter of Hadrian - and the only person who was with Trajan when he died was his personal servant. The same servant dies three days later under mysterious circumstances. Ominous, ominous.

But even though the circumstances of his adoption are a mess, Hadrian certainly seems fit for the title of an emperor. He climbed the Roman career ladder, the cursus honorum, in record speed, was a skilled military commander, but was also a real smartie.

Contemporaries describe him as ambitious and curious about almost everything, chased by a never-ceasing hunger for knowledge. He is not only fluent in Latin and Greek and well-versed in sculpting, painting, poetry and music, but also shows interest in mathematics, astronomy and medicine, this fucking nerd.

And he is particularly interested in the art and culture of the Greeks. Yes, yes, the Greeks.

His personality is a more complicated thing. That he is ambitious is almost a fact, but the extent of this is described in varying terms.

One author writes that he is a cool dude who can remember everyone's name and shows interest in every new thing he can learn, the other says that Hadrian was an absolutely obnoxious know-it-all who could not accept that anyone could be better than him. Or, as is quoted in the Historia Augusta, the most extensive source about his life; "He was at once strict and cheerful, affable and dignified, frivolous and thoughtful, stingy and generous, a master in hypocrisy and dissimulation, cruel and kind, in short, always and in every respect changeable."

And in addition to all of that, he was acceptably good-looking. At least for a Roman emperor. I mean, compare him to Nero, and you know what I am talking about.