Shadows

[7]

"Hi! I'm Nala!"  I say to the girl beside me,
"Oh, um, hi... I'm Lucia." She says,
"Are you okay?" I ask,
"Not really."
"Where's your mum and dad?"  
"They left me. My dad says that mum is gone, and all he does is drink from these smelly bottles and throw things. I asked to go to the park and he left me here."  She sniffles,
"Aren't you cold?" I look at her thin clothes and bare arms,
"Yes. But I don't have anything to wear." Lucia says,
"Here! You can have my things!" I wrap my scarf around her neck, place my hat on her head, give her my gloves and throw my coat over her shoulders.
"Thank you, but it's snowing, won't you be cold?" She huddles into the coat,
"It doesn't matter. I'm going home soon. How old are you?" 
"Eight."
"I'm eight too!" I smile,
"Nala! Come on!" Bella shouts from across the park,
"I have to go, but I'll try and see you later."
"Okay. Bye." Lucia smiles widely, "Thanks for the stuff."
"It's okay. Bye, Lucia!" 
I vaguely remember that day at the park in the snow. I will always remember it. Lucia had just been abandoned by her father, not too long after my dad left too, and her mother had died a while before. She was the eight year old girl who had been left in the park by herself. I gave her my coat, hat, scarf and gloves. I saw her again the next winter, at the park with Bella. She was on the swings, swaying gently. She was wearing the coat, hat, scarf and gloves I had given her the past year. I remember Bella being slightly annoyed that I wasn't acting like I belonged to her at that moment in time. I remember her saying I was familiar to her, and I remember feeling it too. 
I remember comforting Bella many times when she was cross at her parents for not letting her get something or for yelling at her and her saying she wanted to leave them. I remember encouraging her many separate times about things that she wanted to do. I remember looking after her when she was upset, or scared. I remember staying with her when nobody else wanted to be near her because she was getting violent, or aggressive. I remember that, even though she's never been there for me, I stayed by her side.
And yet I've never once heard her say, "Thank you," to me. 
She's never told me that she appreciates me, or said "thank you for being there for me," once in our lives. She's never apologised for something that hurt me, instead she made me apologise to her for something I didn't do. She's let people think my work is hers, and that I'm a useless writer. And yet she's still showed up to the hospital. 
Why?
My mum, brother and sister are there. But so is Bella. Millie's parents also sit beside us. We are all in a waiting room. Waiting. Waiting for Lucia to wake up. 
Kiki sits on my lap, chewing her hair and biting her nails. She is too young to understand what's happening, but she knows it's sad. 
"You can come in. She's not awake, though." A nurse enters our room. We follow her into Lucia's hospital room.  
My friend is lying on the bed, her brown waves flopped across the pillow. 
"She's still taking on water. Her tumours aren't shrinking, but she's fighting it. She just won't wake up." The nurse says.
"No." I say, "She's awake. She's just pretending to be asleep, she can hear us. She's listening. She is awake. She's just pretending to be asleep." 
"Nala..." Mum begins,
"No, it's okay." I smile slightly, "Lucia... she's just pretending to be asleep. She's okay."
Part of me wants Lucia to be okay so badly that it's saying that she's awake and is just pretending to be asleep. The other part of me knows, deep down, that Lucia is not awake. That her cancer is really bad, and that she's not doing very well with it. But I know that she is still fighting it. But I want her to be okay so much, that I'm willing to convince myself that she's awake. That she's pretending to be asleep as a big prank on me, and that she's going to wake up suddenly, laughing, making us all jump. Happy as can be.
I notice that she looks extremely thin. She's been eating properly, I know she has because I've seen her eat and been with her almost all the time. Her cancer has eaten her from the inside, causing her to lose weight. Lucia's cancer has made her waste away, and then the tumours have grown.  
I take hold of her cold hand. It feels like the life has drained from her. My fingers close over hers.
"Are any of you her parents?" The nurse asks the adults.
"She's not in contact with her parents anymore." I explain, "Her mum died, and her dad was an alcoholic."
"I see." The nurse murmurs, "Do you have his phone number, or address?"
"I think she had his address in a drawer somewhere back at the house. Why?" 
"It's just information we need." She taps the pad of paper she is scribbling notes down on, "Do you know if her dad smoked?"
"I don't think her dad smoked, but I remember her mentioning that she got her lung cancer when she was exposed to heavy smoke from her neighbours. They used to smoke." I say. 
And then I notice. Lucia's hand tightens around mine.
And her eyes slowly open.

Hi!
I remember this happening to one of my friends a while ago. Her Grandpa was very ill, we were about nine, and it was so sad to watch her try and convince herself that he was awake after she saw him in his coffin. It was one of the saddest things I've ever seen. She was so hopeful that he was awake, but he was confirmed to be dead. And then when she finally realised that he was gone, she cried so much. I hope you don't have to go through that.